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Selfishness in RelationshipsSelfishness is a large problem today in relationships and marriages, both in and out of the church. We live in a selfish, me-me-me, immediate gratification society. This selfishness is promoted in all segments of society today, including: TV, movies, social media, and many other parts of the internet. In this article, I am going to give several general authority quotes that clarify how selfishness and narcissism need to be lessened, while empathy, consideration, and giving are needed instead to
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Having EmpathyIf a relationship and subsequent marriage is to not only survive but to thrive, an essential element is empathy. According to Google, “empathy” is defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. Also, “Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another's perspective, to understand, feel and possibly share and respond to their experience.” In other words, a person showing empathy to another person is to be able to put themselves in their shoes. To
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Being Optimistic vs PessimisticIn today’s dating and relationship world, it is very understandable why someone would choose to be more cynical, negative, and discouraged instead of optimistic, positive, and hopeful. However, it’s up to you which of these options will be your primary approach to the opposite sex and relationships. According to Google, being optimistic is defined as being “hopeful and confident about the future”; with optimists “…seeing the positive side of things. They expect things to turn out well. They
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Making EffortIn older Disney movies, especially Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella, there was an interesting theme. In all these movies, a handsome prince appears and rescues/fixes/saves the woman away from the conflicts she was dealing with. Whisking her away on his white horse into the sunset to live happily ever after. The problem with that idea is that although it can make for an enjoyable fantasy, it usually doesn’t work that way in real life. Usually when singles are looking for someone
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Tone of VoiceIn previous articles I have covered and addressed communication skills from several angles. However, the longer I do therapy with couples and the more I hear the different conflict and arguments, I have come to realize that the most important element of communication is the tone of voice. How we sound will trigger other elements of communication: facial expression, body language, and choice of words. Most communication actually comes from our non-verbals, with tone of voice largely dictating
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Man and Woman—Enemies?In earlier articles I reviewed the history and general idea of traditional feminism versus feminity (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/feminism-versus-masculinity-110/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/valuing-femininity-114/). In short, the original idea of 1970s feminism was supposed to be about equality, women being treated respectfully, and women not being treated as sex objects. However, modern feminism today has morphed away from many of these early ideals into obsessive
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When Church Socializing Goes BadlyBeing a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints offers many advantages, including for single members. One advantage is the chance to socialize with other fellow members. To bond, connect with, and fellowship with each other. This also affords us dating and relationship opportunities in the ward, stake, and with other regional singles. This is all a good thing, right? Well, it is a good thing when the socializing goes well. When we in fact bond and connect with other members in
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Gym EtiquetteA current trend going on with social media: Tik Tok, Instagram, etc. involve videos where women share videos of men behaving badly at gyms, or at least badly in her interpretation. Gym shaming videos involve women secretly or openly taping men saying or doing things she deems offensive. I have watched several of these videos and honestly, I don’t really see what is so offensive by the guy with most of these videos. The supposedly offensive moments seemed pretty innocent to me, others may feel
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The Contrast Effect: Hurting AttractionThe internet has been great for many things: temple work, instant and convenient communications around the world, instantaneous access to information on most any subject, automation for businesses, and so many other things. However, the internet has also resulted in a number of new technology based problems. One notable problem primarily resulting from the internet and technology is called “the contrast effect”. Basically the relational “contrast effect” is a numbing effect where the most
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Lessons from Adam and EveHave you ever wondered why Adam and Eve were chosen to be the first man and woman for Earth? Why were these particular people chosen to have the first marriage and to be the first to populate the planet? What was it about these two? Well in my opinion, these two were chosen because they were special, obedient, faithful people who could be trusted and counted on to effectively start the human race in an appropriate, successful manner. In this little article, some scriptures from Adam and Eve
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Complaining LessTo “complain” means “to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault” (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/complain). Complaining is a problem in relationships, and in life in general. It is negative, draining, a real downer. So why do we do it? Usually, we complain as an attempted coping mechanism to try to ease negative emotions: stress, anxiety, depression, anger, frustration, etc. We try to vent. Get it out. Release it. Let it go. We do so in hopes it
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Dating TodayDating today has often been called “dead”. Many frustrated singles have given up on dating altogether, or at least take breaks for long periods of time. Others prefer instead to “hang out” or “hook up” (and be physical/sexual) without dating or having a relationship in any formal way. In the 2020s and beyond, with the world of social media, online dating, and other technological advances, we have been accustomed to immediate gratification, quick fixes, and the illusion that we can always do
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Successful Vacations TogetherWhy write an article on going on successful vacations together for the singles community? Because when you get married (or married again), vacations will be an important part of your lives together. As you know, some vacations are wonderful, positive experiences together, whereas others can be described as “disasters”. What makes for a positive, successful trip/vacation together? This article will review several useful tips, tools, and suggestions to do so. Traveling together really can reveal
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Developing EmpathyIn an earlier article, I discussed empathy, gave a few ideas on how to overcome selfishness (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/overcoming-selfishness-254/). As a compliment and an extension of that article, I wanted to focus on empathy, as well as add some extra ideas on how to develop it. From an article in Psychology Today magazine, empathy is described as follows: “Empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or
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Narcissism and CodependencyIn previous articles, I introduced and talked about the concepts of narcissism. (See: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/narcissists-what-to-watch-for-97/ and codependency https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/codependency-maybe-its-you-101/). In sum, a narcissistic person lacks empathy and is selfish, self-absorbed, and often disrespectful and abusive to others. A codependent person is generally overly giving, very accommodating, and others oriented to an extreme degree, putting them at
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Giving Honey and Not VinegarThere is a classic old saying, “you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar”. In other words, you will be more attractive to others and get further with others with a positive approach versus a negative one. So why do so many people show negativity with others in the dating and relationship world? Several possible reasons. Perhaps negativity, conflict, and contention was common in the family atmosphere they grew up with. Perhaps friends have given them bad relationship advice. Perhaps
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