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Assertive Communication SkillsThere are basically 3 types or styles of communication in the dating world, and with people in general: aggressive, passive, and assertive. In aggressive communication, wants, needs, and feelings are expressed openly and clearly, but at the expense of the feelings of others. Aggressive communication tactics include yelling, shouting, glaring, hands on hips, table pounding, etc. Aggressive tactics are another way of saying bullying tactics. Passive communication tactics, on the other hand, are
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Dating Small Talkby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating Few factors matter more to the success or failure of a date than how the small talk goes. The chatter and discussion about a variety of big and little issues that encompasses the entire date from beginning to end. Good small talk will promote attraction, closeness, connection, understanding, and overall bonding. Poor small talk repels, discourages, and may even doom the relationship right then and there. So how
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Increasing Your Chances of Finding SomeoneIn church circles, being single can be a frustrating situation. Finding that special someone to date and hopefully marry (ideally in the temple, ideally sooner versus later) can be especially challenging. Many good, high quality men and women who are basically active and worthy in the church can still find themselves single. This single status can often go on for years, decades, perhaps for the rest of their mortal lives. Why is this? Is this because such singles are “not worthy of love”? Is it
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Persuasion SkillsOne touchy subject in relationships involves what to do when the other person refuses to change. If the other person in your relationship has some notable quirks, problems, challenges, or issues that notably bother you, you have several choices. You can: 1) break up with the other person, 2) argue, fight, and give them ultimatums to try to pressure them to change, or 3) just try to accept them as they are and live with the issues. But what if none of those 3 options are acceptable to you? If
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Breaking Out of Introversionby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being introverted often causes major challenges and hurdles for LDS singles trying to meet, date, and marry. Introversion is defined by dictionary.com as “the act of directing one's interest inward or to things within the self; the state of being concerned primarily with one's own thoughts and feelings rather than with the external environment”. In other words, people who are introverted are mainly
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Don’t Be a Victim!by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Many of those in the LDS singles community can relate to the idea that they have been victimized by a previous dating partner, fiancé, or ex-spouse. Perhaps that describes you. Was your ex boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse verbally abusive? Physically abusive? Sexually abusive? Neglectful? Did they have addiction problems (drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography)? Infidelity (actual cheating, emotional
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Uptight: The Obsessive Compulsive Personalityby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In past articles, I have written about the personality disorders I have seen create great conflict in the LDS singles scene with dating and relationships in general. Those personality disorders previously addressed have consisted of antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic. There is one more personality disorder that I wish to discuss to also help you beware of. It is lesser known, but
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Single and Feeling Like a Second Class Member?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) The emphasis on marriage and family in the church can be a double-edged sword. When married and with kids, most members feel validated as a complete, whole member because of the tremendous church emphasis on getting married and having kids. Unfortunately, conversely, members—whether married or not—without kids often feel like they do not fit in. In addition, single members with or without kids often
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Non-Verbal Communicationby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) There is an old saying: it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Some theorize that 90%+ of communication comes from non-verbal communication: tone of voice, body language, and facial expression, with the final 10% or so being the actual, literal words being used in the discussion. With those numbers in your mind, it becomes easier to see how common miscommunications, offenses, and erroneous
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Communication No Nos—The 4 Horsemenby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) John Gottman is understood to be a world’s leading expert in marriage and marital research out of the University of Washington. For decades he has observed thousands of couples in his “love lab” where he tapes, codes, tracks, and statistically follows and makes predictions about couples based upon how they behaviorally treat each other. Dr. Gottman can predict with a high degree of accuracy which
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Red Light Signals-- When They Aren't Interestedby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest parts of the dating experience is noticing and concluding that someone you are interested is not interested in you in return. Part of the time it is obvious. Especially when the other person just comes out and says it to you: "I am not interested in you", "I don't think we are a match", "I don't feel the chemistry together", "I feel we are more friends", "I just don't feel the
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Codependency: Maybe It's You?by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Even though "codependency" is not an official/formal psychological diagnosis in the DSM-V (the official book we psychologists get out classifications from), this is still a rather useful term in understanding certain unhealthy relational struggles and challenges. The origin of this term ties back to the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics", now more formally known as "Al-Anon"--the groups for family
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Overcoming Being Needy or Clingy in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) As stated in my last article, "to be overly needy or clingy in a relationship is to be overly insecure and desirous of continual reassurance of one's acceptance and desirability". If you have determined you struggle with being needy or clingy and would like to change, I will offer a few ideas here to help you improve. Suggestion 1: Balanced Giving in Relationships If you are giving and trying
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Marrying Your Best Friendby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) What makes for a good selection in a mate and eternal spouse? Is it someone that you feel an enormously infatuated with? Someone you think about all day long and can't stand being without? Someone that excites and stimulates you? Someone that gives goosebumps and a fastly beating heart? Someone that entices you to be physically affectionate with? Perhaps someone who is very fun, exciting, and
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Forgiveness in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In any casual, dating, or married relationship, offenses will come. Whether intentional or unintentional, eventually our partner will hurt us and offend us. At other times, we will offend them. Some of these offenses come from gender differences, different values, principles, or priorities, selfishness, insensitivity, and so on. At other times, neither side is necessarily right or wrong, but certain
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How to Engage in Small Talkby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the biggest challenges I have heard from LDS singles (and the singles community in general) revolve around small talk. Chatting with a new or prospective partner before, during, or after a date can sometimes be very challenging. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and what not to say can be very difficult for some. Awkward pauses, awkward silence, nervous laughter, rambling, offending the
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