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Happy Single?In many circles in society, the idea is shared that “you just need to learn to be happy” as a single person/by yourself. Is this true? Can you be fully happy as a single person? It sounds like good advice on the surface and in some ways it is. I’ve thought about this question and my response is…kind of. To a degree I think this is good advice. However, there is a limit here and it can also potentially be bad advice too. In my opinion and from my experience, there are three possible main
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Depression ManagementDepression includes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness, as well as feeling blue, down, lethargic, unmotivated, and so on. Eating and sleeping habits become strained, along with other elements of self-care. When looking to date and marry, having frustration, heartache, and heartbreak can understandably lead to depression. And then unfortunately, when someone is depressed, they are less likely to successfully meet, date, and marry someone as well. Unfortunately, people who are
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Quotes on HopeIn an earlier article I talked about the definition of hope, the importance of hope, and how to generate hope (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/having-hope-337/). In this article I am going to give several quotes from general authorities on hope to further support these previous ideas. Hope is essential. Please work to generate as much hope as reasonably possible. Remember the following scripture: And if you have not faith, hope, and charity, you can do nothing. (Doctrine & Covenants
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Having EmpathyIf a relationship and subsequent marriage is to not only survive but to thrive, an essential element is empathy. According to Google, “empathy” is defined as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. Also, “Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another's perspective, to understand, feel and possibly share and respond to their experience.” In other words, a person showing empathy to another person is to be able to put themselves in their shoes. To
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Positive Versus Negative EnergyA key to successful dating and relationships is self-awareness. It is important to realize how we are acting and the impact and effect it has on those around us. Without self-awareness, how can you know what needs to change and improve? You wouldn’t unless another was to tell you and you were to believe them. So, rarely. An important area to be self-aware of relates to energy. In particular, do you primarily give off negative energy and come across like a negative person in your impressions
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Self-CareIn the New Testament, Jesus Christ was approached by a lawyer who asked him a trick question: which is the greatest commandment in the law of Moses? Since the law of Moses included several hundred points and commandments, this was a loaded question. His response was as follows: Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy
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Cheer UpI know this will sound obvious when I say it, but to attract another person, it is important to be…attractive. And that doesn’t only involve your looks. It also includes your attitude, personality, and disposition. You will struggle mightily with your dating and relationship life if you come across as glum, grumpy, sullen, snappy, grouchy, distant, or otherwise unapproachable. On the other hand, if you come across as positive, perky, optimistic, and a giver of positive energy, you will attract
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What Can I Do to Be Happy?When will you get married? Will you even get married in this life—or will it be in the next life? The results will vary. However, whenever you marry it is important to work to be as happy as possible. Being happy while single will prepare you to also be happy when married. Your spouse does not “make you happy”. However, a spouse in a healthy marriage will help a happy person become happier. In addition, when you are happy now, you also make yourself more attractive, fun, and enjoyable as a
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Issues from the Therapy OfficeMy first psychotherapy/counseling session was in February, 1997. I was in the Utah State University marriage and family therapy part of my initial master's degree program. Afterward I would go on to San Diego to my clinical psychology doctoral program. From these first therapy sessions those first few years to now all these years later, I have noticed some themes and common challenges, a few of which I’ve decided to share with you in this little article. Hopefully, you will find this
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Why Keep TryingWhen single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may
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Having HopeFaith, the first principle of the gospel, is defined in the scriptures as follows: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (JST Hebrews 11:1). So having hope is an essential element of faith. Furthermore, to have hope is defined in the Google dictionary as, “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” Now, why would having hope be an important principle for singles in the church to possess? Because if you are single and want to
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Hope for HealingIn order to have a good future relationship, it is important to heal notable wounds from personal issues, as well as past failed, hurtful, or otherwise frustrating relationships. A few good suggestions for that includes quality self-help materials, individual psychotherapy, group therapy, or meetings with the bishop. In this article I am just going to offer a few general authority/church-based quotes supporting the idea that you can have real hope to heal and have a future healthy, happy
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Being Happy and HealthyA common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and
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Being Happy and HealthyA common idea shared with singles is that you need to be happy and healthy yourself first, and then you will be more ready to have a healthy relationship with someone else. While there are some different opinions out there on how important this is before your next relationship, it is safe to say that working to be personally healthy, happy, and balanced in a good goal no matter where you are at relationship-wise. In this article, several key areas will be reviewed to help you be happy and
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Depression and DatingDepression can have a negative effect on efforts to date. And then when dating efforts don’t work out as hoped, feelings of depression can follow, as well loneliness and despair. It can be a vicious cycle. Furthermore, when depressed, people tend to not give off the positive energy generally required to attract and develop a healthy relationship. Either the depressive energy will repel people away or even worse, it may attract an unhealthy and predatory individual. In any event, depression does
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Dealing with the Fear of RejectionNo one likes rejection. At least, no one I’ve ever known. Part of the challenge is how it can be taken so personally. When a person has their dating hopes with another rejected, it can be tough to get over. Often, such social rejection can be taken as a complete rejection of the person someone is, even though this is generally not the case. These fears can lead to not only fewer dates and dating efforts, but also avoidance of others in general at church, work, and most any social setting. When
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