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How Much Do Looks Matter to Women?I had a very interesting conversation with a single female member of the church today in therapy. Newly single after a long marriage, she wanted to know how much she should prioritize looks in the men she is starting to meet. Specifically, she wanted me to give my opinion on, how often have I seen women “grow to be attracted to a man” after getting to know him and not being attracted at first. In other words, if she is getting to know a man that she doesn’t really feel is attractive from the
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Hope in Future RelationshipsWhen one’s relationship life has included difficult breakups, hurt, disappointment, and even trauma, it very understandable that people may lose hope in having and retaining a committed relationship. Does this describe you? Do you feel “snakebitten” from previous relationships? Does the hurt from whatever you have been through make you second guess whether you can make a future relationship worse? If so, then it may be worth your while to strengthen your hope in the future. Because if you don’t
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The Role of the Spirit in the RelationshipHere is a great rule of thumb to help your current or future dating/marriage relationship: the more often you both possess the Spirit, the better your relationship will be. Now, I understand that relationships are more complex than this and more is required than whether or not you have the Spirit inside. However, it is a tremendous advantage when this is the case. We understand from our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that always having the companionship of the
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Cats, Dogs, and RelationshipsWhat do different pets say about their owners? It’s true that owners of different pets tend to have certain traits that would make them a match for such an animal. In other words, the choice of animal a person makes gives you some insight into the individual: their personality, their outlook on life, what they are interested in, and so on. An important element of relationships is the need for new people to be sharp and effective new relationship detectives. The sooner you find out what the
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Online Dating FilteringBoth in and out of the church, online dating has moved from the “extreme” to “mainstream” today. The advantages of online dating include convenience, the high quantity of possible love interests, and a physical safety/security. However, there are many common complaints about online dating as well, including there being scammers, liars, con artists, and people otherwise misrepresenting themselves. So how can you be successful in your online dating effort? Simple (but not easy). Pick better.
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Common Dating GripesIs dating difficult and challenging for today’s single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? It seems so, based upon the common and often understandable complaints I hear regularly. Many singles feel their church leaders are not listening to them or taking their concerns seriously. Singles often feel ignored, neglected, or lower status or concern in wards. It also seems true that for the most part, the solutions to your dating challenges are mostly going to need to come
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What Men are Physically Attracted ToLast week I reviewed an article looking closer at what women are physically attracted to (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-women-are-physically-attracted-to-313/). This week, what men are physically attracted to with women will be examined. Like last week, the goals of this article are to 1) help encourage women to accept that their own looks matter and to moderately—not obsessively—work on improving them accordingly (as reasonably possible), and 2) help men identify and validate what
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Is it Me or the Money?One of the more complicated and challenging issues facing couples and marriages today involves money. Money squabbles and issues in general are often touchy, hit sensitivities, and often lead to contention and even break ups. In six of my past articles I have examined the subject of money and money related issues with relationships. If interested, feel free to review them later at these links: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-and-money-how-important-301/
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For Her: Letting Him Know You Are InterestedOne interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is
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Being Less Visually OrientedI have made the case in several previous articles that looks matter in the dating world. How a person looks and the attraction that results from those looks is the most immediate and powerful indicator of attraction. When we are initially attracted to a person’s good looks, that leads us to then being more open to learning more about that person, subsequent conversation, and a possible eventual relationship. Even though people often say that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, that is only
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Not Being BoringA lot of times, singles feel they are passed over or put into the “friendzone” because they are either not physically attractive enough and/or don’t make enough money to attract/keep another person. That may or may not be true, depending on a person’s individual circumstance and situation. But beyond those two attraction elements, another important element is, are you fun, exciting, entertaining, and enjoyable to be around and interact with? When not, you might be hit with the tough label of
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Looks and Money—How Important?We learned in the Bible the following regarding looks: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”—I Samuel 16:7. In addition, we also learn the following regarding money: “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through
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Depression and DatingDepression can have a negative effect on efforts to date. And then when dating efforts don’t work out as hoped, feelings of depression can follow, as well loneliness and despair. It can be a vicious cycle. Furthermore, when depressed, people tend to not give off the positive energy generally required to attract and develop a healthy relationship. Either the depressive energy will repel people away or even worse, it may attract an unhealthy and predatory individual. In any event, depression does
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Dating TodayDating today has often been called “dead”. Many frustrated singles have given up on dating altogether, or at least take breaks for long periods of time. Others prefer instead to “hang out” or “hook up” (and be physical/sexual) without dating or having a relationship in any formal way. In the 2020s and beyond, with the world of social media, online dating, and other technological advances, we have been accustomed to immediate gratification, quick fixes, and the illusion that we can always do
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Successful Vacations TogetherWhy write an article on going on successful vacations together for the singles community? Because when you get married (or married again), vacations will be an important part of your lives together. As you know, some vacations are wonderful, positive experiences together, whereas others can be described as “disasters”. What makes for a positive, successful trip/vacation together? This article will review several useful tips, tools, and suggestions to do so. Traveling together really can reveal
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Following Through with a BreakupOne of the most difficult challenges in dating is 1) knowing when to cut off a relationship and break it off, and then more importantly, 2) actually following through with the breakup and not going back. Why is this so difficult? Why is it so hard to break up and stay broken up with an unhealthy relationship? From my experience and understanding, it is usually because of some kind of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and/or fear of not being able to find another relationship. Such
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