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Is He or She the Right One?So, you're dating a fellow member of the church. Check. They seem pretty nice and together. Check. So, is he or she the right one? Should I marry them? Or, is it all wrong? Maybe I should break up with them. I don't want to make the wrong decision. How can I know for sure? If any of these questions sound familiar, you are not alone. Making the decision on whether to marry someone you are steadily dating is a very important one. In fact, President Gordon B. Hinckley has said that marriage “will
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Rescuing, Fixing, and Saving in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One tendency that commonly manifests in relationships, especially LDS relationships is an unbalanced combination of one side rescuing, fixing, and saving, and the other side needing the rescuing, fixing, and saving. Some on the surface might assume, "what's wrong with that?" Well, in short, over time this discrepancy over time makes for more of an unbalanced, parent-child kind of relationship where
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Men and Women--Meant to Be Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I always end my LDS dating articles with the scripture from Paul that "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11). And it's true. In today's world, there is a common thought that being single is fine, acceptable, normal, even preferred over being married together as husband and wife. However, this is not the Lord's way. Here are a
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Pornography and Menby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Today, access to pornographic material is as easy as turning on your internet carrying device and pushing a few key strokes. And then immediately you have access to millions and millions of pornographic sites all over the world. In our LDS church, men are in many was especially susceptible to pornography, as more severe sexual outlets involving live person to person interaction outside of marriage
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Successful Marriages Are Those That…This is a topic that I could write a great many things about and make many points. However, I choose to focus on a few points that I have found are very important. John Gottman is understood to be the world's leading expert in marriage and marital research from the University of Washington. For decades he and his research team have been studying couples in his "Love Lab": his research facility to video tape, record, and track and code behavioral interactions between couples. With this
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Fitting in at the Singles Wardby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) A singles ward is by definition, a different kind of a ward. Devoid of crying babies and young children, a singles ward is theoretically set up to do two things: 1) provide a greater opportunity for single and active LDS members to meet, socialize, date, and hopefully marry, and 2) for those who feel more comfortable around fellow singles, provide a church experience to preserve their activity (which
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Grieving the Loss of a Relationshipby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the hardest elements of the LDS singles dating journey is heartache and heartbreak. The feeling of hurt and letdown when either a promising dating prospect falls apart, you discover something about the other than leads you to feel the need to break up with them, or you are dating and they break up with you. At the core of all of these painful scenarios is a mixture of frustration, hurt
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How to Be More AttractiveSingle? LDS? Wanting to attract more dating partners, hopefully, eventually a future spouse? Then the truth is that you will attract others more if you work on being more…attractive. I know it sounds obvious. However, a good number of singles have grown lax, even lazy with their efforts to be attractive, yet they wonder why they have few if any dates. Being attractive matters. It provides many more initial opportunities. So, how does a person "become more attractive"? Here are a few ideas.
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Don't Put Your Happiness on Holdby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you. In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share
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The Single Friends You Chooseby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In the LDS Singles world, it can take months, years, even decades before you find a partner to marry. In the process, sometimes you will have someone you are dating, other times you will not. Along the journey, having and enjoying fellow single friends--usually of the same sex--is an important resource and support. Not only do friends provide needed companionship, support, validation, and connection
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Marrying Your Best Friendby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) What makes for a good selection in a mate and eternal spouse? Is it someone that you feel an enormously infatuated with? Someone you think about all day long and can't stand being without? Someone that excites and stimulates you? Someone that gives goosebumps and a fastly beating heart? Someone that entices you to be physically affectionate with? Perhaps someone who is very fun, exciting, and
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Battling the Grass is Greener Attitude in Datingby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Dating in the LDS singles community is influenced by a number of avenues that can lead to a "you're good, but I can do better" attitude. And where does this "grass is greener" attitude come from? Several possible areas. We are all bombarded with ideas of what more and what better we supposedly can have and deserve from numerous sources in life. Some of this challenge comes in the ideal, slick
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Bonding Acting Togetherby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) I've heard it said as a psychologist that a relationships is like a living organism that, if you aren't careful, can die in a couple of possible ways. Either the relationship can be killed through conflict, fighting, resentment, and contention, or it can starve and wither away from a lack of bonding activities together: hobbies, affection, and doing things done together as a couple. Therefore
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Control and Decision Making in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) Whether dating, engaged, or married, every relationship has one partner that tends to "wear the pants". This old fashion term relates to whomever tends to make most of the major and big decisions in the relationship, as well as whatever small decisions matter to the partner in charge. Wearing the pants in the relationship was traditionally a term related to men, since women used to only wear skirts
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Forgiveness in Relationshipsby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) In any casual, dating, or married relationship, offenses will come. Whether intentional or unintentional, eventually our partner will hurt us and offend us. At other times, we will offend them. Some of these offenses come from gender differences, different values, principles, or priorities, selfishness, insensitivity, and so on. At other times, neither side is necessarily right or wrong, but certain
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How to Engage in Small Talkby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site) One of the biggest challenges I have heard from LDS singles (and the singles community in general) revolve around small talk. Chatting with a new or prospective partner before, during, or after a date can sometimes be very challenging. Knowing what to say, how to say it, and what not to say can be very difficult for some. Awkward pauses, awkward silence, nervous laughter, rambling, offending the
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