There has perhaps never been as much pressure on the institution of marriage than there is today. Between negative attitudes and messages from the media, academia, research statistics, and society in general, marriage is under fire. Guys often hear the message today that marriage is legally and financially risky, with family court decisions tending to lean more towards favoring women. Many men today are worried about the overall risks and wonder is it if worth it. Women, on the other hand, have also been given numerous negative messages about marriage today, often that is acts as a big limitation to their educational and career pursuits. Plus, with the media giving so many common negative messages about and towards men in general, choosing to then marry and commit to a man may no longer seem like a desirable option. Because really, when men are often painted as the enemy, why would women then want to marry and commit to the enemy? They wouldn’t.
So, with marriage under fire today for both men and women, why should they choose to find and commit to a spouse then? That is a good question. A case can be made for why to search for a marriage anyway, in spite of these challenges and pressures on the institution. In this little article, a few benefits of marriage will be shared in an effort to help motivate you and to affirmatively, yes, I still want to get married.
Motivators—Why Marriage is Still Good to Search For Today (In No Particular Order):
*Companionship. When married, you always have a main person to count on that you can take with you as you grapple with the responsibilities of life. You also have a built-in date to go out and do fun things with. Someone to talk to and have discussions with as well. In other words, you have “companionship” across the board. Conversely, when single, you have to rely on friends to come through for you to have others to do things with--who you may or may not be able to actually count on. So as a result, you can often end up needing to do more things by yourself alone than you would prefer to do. For example, going to a restaurant or a movie.
*Moral Cleanliness. When married, you now have a built-in person that affords you a regular sexual outlet together without the law of chastity issues. Now, of course, even when people are married, some do cheat. Some still look at pornography. Some still masturbate. But being marred gives an outlet for sexual expression without the possible morality concerns. As members of the church who try to live this challenging standard, marriage definitely helps in this area.
*Temple Marriage: To be married, ideally to another member of the church, the prospect of having an eventual temple marriage together can be a great motivator for relationships and marriage. Even when not initially getting married in the temple, married church members have the opportunity to hopefully, possibly, eventually enjoy this blessing. Temple marriage is the ultimate ideal. But, of course, it isn’t possible to have a temple marriage without “a” marriage. So, the prospect of temple marriage can be a good motivator to marry.
*Children/Help with the Kids: If you do not currently have kids and are of the age to have them, marriage gives the prospect of having children (or additional children) if desired. For those who already have all of their children they will have in this life, a new spouse also offers a degree of extra help and support with the discipline and juggling of other child-related responsibilities. And even though a new spouse would be a “step parent”, this second adult in a parenting role still offers support, relief, and emotional assistance in this area.
*Finances: Although circumstances vary from person to person, in general, two incomes go further than one. And even though someone may already have children and have other financial obligations, bills, and responsibilities, usually the two incomes result in more money than only one. That is just math. So, a new spouse can offer the prospect of additional financial resources, which can be used for extra help with the bills, fun, etc. No, a new spouse is not responsible for your old bills, but they can at least help with current and future expenses.
Final Thoughts:
In spite of negative media/societal messages about marriage today, there are still good enticements for marriage as members of the church. Whichever of these or other incentives for marriage act as effective motivators for you, please focus on such things. Allow them to drive your efforts. The more motivators you can focus on to marry, the better and more consistently you will look for relationships and to eventually marry. On the other hand, if getting married feels more like a duty, chore, or obligation, that is a tough sell and an uphill battle to get yourself to do. So please keep your motivation to date and marry high, and you will eventually find success and happiness. And remember, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2021-12-04 | Randy Gilchrist | Marriage preparation |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).