When single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there are many challenges. One of the greatest challenges is to find, commit, nurture, and have a successful marriage. Ideally, a temple marriage. However, when one has experienced relational failure, heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment, it can be difficult to keep putting oneself out there. As frustrations mount, it can be natural to want to quit trying and even resign oneself to being “eternally single”. Or others may conclude, “oh well, I can just meet and marry someone on the other side” as they stop making efforts. Even though I empathize with any experiencing these kinds of feelings, the aim and goal of this article is to encourage you to keep trying to date, have a relationship, and marry in this life. I will make my best case, anyway.
Why Keep Trying in Dating and Relationships:
My favorite scripture that I liken to dating, relationships, and eternal marriage efforts is:
And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there (the next life), only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.
--Doctrine & Covenants 130:2
In other words, if we are single in this life but regularly work to try to find an eternal companion and marriage in this life, we will also do so likewise in the next life—and eventually be successful there. But if we give up trying and stop making social/relational efforts in this life, we also won't make efforts in the other side and greatly risk eternal singlehood. Why? Because we are the same person. Magic won’t occur to pair people together on the other side. The rules and laws of agency and effort are still required.
Faith and desires need to be paired with action. If you don't make efforts here, you won't make efforts on the other side either. In short, what we are here is what we will be on the other side too. So please keep trying in this life. Cultivate the habit of relational effort and striving, not giving up and avoiding effort. You will be eternally glad and grateful that you did.
Add my earlier scripture with this one too:
For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors. And now, as I said unto you before, as ye have had so many witnesses, therefore, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed. Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.
--Alma 34:32-34
And swap procrastinating repentance with procrastinating dating, relationships, and marital efforts. People can't assume they can just flip the switch in the next life. It doesn't work that way. What we do here is what we will do there. I believe the 2nd and 3rd degrees of the celestial kingdom will be made up of these kinds of individuals that stopped trying and resigned themselves to their singlehood. That celestial living would still be an excellent eternal outcome, but would still be short of the best. For more information about this difference, see Doctrine & Covenants 132.
Final Thoughts:
To each their own. If you really would prefer to be single in the eternities, that is fine. Not everyone needs to want and have that. But if you do, please keep working towards finding an eternal spouse in this life until the end of your life. Either you will eventually marry in this life, or at least the positive habits you develop here will follow you in the next life. And if you keep trying and go into the next life single, you would eventually match up with another worthy companion who has made similar efforts. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2023-02-18 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).