One of the first articles I wrote for LDS Dimension was the article “What Do Men Want” (see https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/). In this article, I gave a basic summary of the most common things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (and if it gets them a marriage) with a woman. These traits are, from my experience, pretty universal whether the men and women are members of the church or not. So as an extension of that article, I wanted to share some additional thoughts on about men and what we want. I hope you find this article helpful and useful.
What Men Want Women to Know:
1) We want you to be happy. In a relationship, the main thing we tend to want when we are with or around you is in a day in, day out basis is ideally, for you to be in a good mood (much more often than you are not). We assume you are in a good mood primarily from external indicators like your smiles, laughter, warm tone of voice, etc. When you are happy, we feel happy too. Why? Because women tend have strong moods, so a strong good mood will tend to be very uplifting to most guys, most of the time. It really picks us up. A woman’s mood tends to fill up the room, so we prefer a good one far more than…any other mood.
2) We like positive reinforcement and praise: We really enjoy compliments, praise, thank yous, being told “good job”, and that kind of talk. In a general sense, we men tend to approach a relationship like a job, with women being the relationship boss, in a sense. So whether we think we are doing a good job or not in the relationship, that matters less than how you feel about our job as the boss. So when you give positive reinforcement to us guys, we feel validated that we are, in fact, doing a good job in the relationship, which is what we want. And hope, maybe you will give us a job promotion?
3) We are behavioral/recreational bonders: We like to do fun things together with you and hopefully for you to make the best of it and have a good time along the way. If you can show a man that you can enjoy what he enjoys with a good attitude and do what he does, having a good time together, he will really appreciate it and grow closer to you. We are usually more “doers” than “talkers”. Talking is ok, but again, we tend to bond most by doing things together.
4) We are visually oriented: We are wired to be visually attracted to you and appreciate when you make efforts to look nice. Not obsessively or excessively, but we do like an effort. There are 2 reasons for this. 1) Again, we are visually wired and we naturally like it and respond to it. 2) Interestingly, we men also tend to be largely judged by the looks of the woman we are with even more than ourselves. So the looks of the woman we are with will interestingly come across as a reflection on us. Perhaps this is where the old term comes from referring to attractive women as “arm candy”.
5) We like some guy time: After we feel like our togetherness/intimacy cup is full, we periodically need some time and space away from you to catch our breath, rejuvenate our independence, and then miss you enough to be ready to reconnect. Having some time and space away from you is natural for us guys. If we can be supportive of us having this from time to time, we will usually appreciate it and come back ready to reconnect even closer in the relationship.
6) We have simple tastes. We tend to like good food, drink, sleep, fun, and relaxation. Conversely, we tend to dislike things like hassles, conflict, contention, commotion, drama, difficulties, and so on. That doesn’t mean we can’t ever argue or deal with difficult or challenging things. But when possible to avoid, we often would rather not.
Final Thoughts:
To further learn about men, masculinity, and how we tend to operate, I recommend these books:
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray
That’s Not What I Meant!
--and—
You Just Don’t Understand!
both by Deborah Tannen.
If you understand men better, this better understanding can help lead, guide, and direct you in your decisions and interactions with us. The more you know and understand us, the better decisions you can make to better get along with us and have a happy, thriving relationship together. Understanding the opposite sex will help and empower you, which is useful and helpful. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2019-07-14 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding men |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).