What traits initially attract a woman to a man? What mainly leads her to be open to romantically dating a man in the beginning? What helps her to have butterflies and be drawn to him? What forces differentiate a guy from “just being a friend”, to someone she would consider dating and having a relationship with? These are important questions that men are curious about and women may not be fully and consciously aware of. In other words, what a woman learns from church and society that she “should” be attracted to (“nice guy traits”) may not actually be what she is truly drawn to in real life. So, what are these traits? What traits truly attract a woman to a man and help her to give him a romantic chance? Read on.
First, as a man, I admit the obvious that I have never been a woman and don’t know that answer firsthand. However, from my education, training, and doing psychotherapy since 1997 with thousands of women, I have seen many common and repetitive themes and ideas. In this article, I will review the 4 main traits that seem to be most attractive to women. The hope of this article is to give validation and clarity to women who may be taught to be attracted to X, but wonder why she is attracted to Y. This will lessen confusion and validate her feelings as she balances what she has been taught versus how she may feel as she navigates the dating/relationship scene. The hope is also to help men know the key areas to work on, cultivate, and develop to help move him away from being “just friends” to more romantic relationship opportunities.
What Women Are Attracted To:
*Looks: Research shows that certain physical traits are naturally most attractive to women. So, the closer that a man looks to these ideals, the more attractive he will tend to naturally be. From my earlier article on “Universal Beauty Indicators” (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67), women tend to be attracted to men who are taller than they are, display a high degree of facial symmetry, show masculine facial dimorphism (square jaw, etc), and have broad shoulders, a relatively narrow waist, strong quadriceps, and a V-shaped torso. Such traits are thought to naturally indicate a greater ability to provide and protect. For more information on these traits, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness.
*Money/Resources: Let’s start by examining this trait religiously. We know from the 1995 Proclamation to the World that it is a man’s primary duty to provide for and take care of his wife and family. Ideally this will help the wife stay home to raise the children (or at least only work part time). Therefore, it logically makes sense that women in the church will highly value the money/resources/earning power and potential of a man. From The Proclamation we read: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families”. In general, money and earning power allows women to know that their practical and sometimes emotional needs will be take care of. Security and stability is therefore the result. So, a man who can provide notable money and has good earning power will naturally be valued over another without this asset. In sum because of these reasons, a man with more money will be more attractive than a man with less money.
*Conversational Abilities: There is an old saying: men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears. How a man can talk, banter, philosophize, listen, debate, flirt, chat, joke around, and overall hold a good, stimulating conversation goes a long way to promoting attraction. Words for women connect, bond, and promote closeness when done well. Therefore, a man with superior conversational abilities will have a great advantage over another man lacking this trait. Beyond money and looks, the talking and listening will help her truly get close to him and create spark. When added together in combination, a man with an adequate amount of all three attributes will be very attractive to most women, most of the time.
*Confidence: How a man carries himself through his facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and choice of words is very attractive when done so in a confident, secure manner. A confident man shows a woman he is capable, able, wanting, and willing to tackle life and be successful and victorious. Such a man gives the impression that he can handle whatever may be. A confident man shows her he will be her rock, her security, and her stability. A confident man carries himself in a way that shows he will be a better provider and protector. And that no hardship or challenge that comes along the way will change that.
Final Thoughts:
When a decent combination of these four traits exists in a man, women will be much more attracted to him versus if he does not. When the initial attraction coming from a man demonstrating these traits is combined with other positive traits we learn from church that also need to be there: notably kindness, consideration, respect, empathy, a strong dedication to the gospel, etc., she will be making a good choice in committing to such a man. To ignore the need for attraction is unwise, as such attraction gives spark and connection to the relationship. However, to commit to a man who only possesses these 4 attraction traits without a decent amount of the other “nice guy” traits can be a setup for a failure and poor treatment. Ladies: look for a reasonable balance of all 4 attractive features (key word: reasonable). Men, work to reasonably improve yourself in all four ways. The attraction will open the door for dating. Where you go from there will be up to the both of you. And remember, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2021-08-22 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding women |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).