Instinctively and spiritually, we all have certain feelings and yearnings that serve to prompt us to action. One of the most primal, powerful feelings existing in us all is a desire for connection, companionship, and relationship. The relationship between a man and a woman is a powerful thing. So when we are without that kind of main connection in our lives, it is natural and appropriate for us to feel subtle to strong feelings of loneliness until we have that relationship. Utilized correctly, such feelings help to encourage and spur social efforts to find and maintain a romantic connection with another.
Scriptural Support for Connection
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
--Genesis 2:18-24
So, the Lord directs clearly from the beginning that it is not good that Adam was alone in the garden of Eden. To eliminate his loneliness and for a wise, all-knowing purpose, the Lord purposefully brought him a woman for him to share his life with.
Ideas to Address Loneliness:
*Socialize more. The best way to address loneliness is to remember the healthy purposes for the loneliness—to prompt and spur desire and action to find connection. So, remembering the reason the emotion is there in the first place, use that feeling to lead to behavioral change, improvement, and action. Learn about healthy relationships. Socialize more. Look for opportunities to find that new special someone. For more ideas on this subject, I suggest reading this additional article:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/where-to-find-your-next-relationship-96/
*Avoid depression. Feeling lonely doesn’t mean having to feel sad or even depressed. Depression can lead to lowered self-esteem, low energy, and low confidence. And a person with low esteem, energy, and confidence will struggle more with socializing, which ends up being self-defeating. Consider talking to your bishop for spiritual guidance and support, perhaps receiving a blessing. Working with a qualified, licensed clinical psychologist can be a good idea too. Useful self-help materials can be good as well. I recommend either Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger or The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns.
*Care for your body. Another way to lessen loneliness and stave off depression is to make sure you live a physically healthy life. The adrenaline, endorphins, and dopamine resulting from your body being as healthy as possible will boost mood and take the edge off of negative mood. Healthy eating/nutrition, regular exercise, and a good, regular sleep routine will all help in many ways, including boosting mood and lessening some of the lonely feelings.
*Strengthen Friendships. Although friendships won’t ever adequately replace a partner relationship with the opposite sex, such connections will still help to lessen loneliness, isolation, and feelings of depression to a degree. Be the initiator. Arrange get togethers with one or more other friends. Choose people who you feel are positive, uplifting, and enjoyable to be around. Such friendships can give some connection to build on. For additional ideas on building friendships, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/the-single-friends-you-choose-74/.
Final Thoughts:
Loneliness doesn’t have to lead to depression. Such feelings can still be constructive, productive, and useful. Use your loneliness to good purposes. Socialize more, not less. Care for your body. Strengthen your friendships. Be assertive and proactive. Lean into the loneliness and use it to your advantage to fuel your efforts. There is nothing to be ashamed about to have these feelings. They are natural, normal, and there to help you make things happen. You can use these feelings to help you find your future spouse. And you can. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2019-06-23 | Randy Gilchrist | Marriage preparation, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).