One tough reality for today’s single church members with dating: do they choose to move to an area with better dating opportunities or do they stay put and do the best they can where they are? The answer to this question is completely arbitrary and up to you. However, this article will review some possible challenges to moving that need to be overcome to hopefully help with your decision. The fact is that some areas have many more single members than others—namely the bigger metros in Utah, Idaho, Arizona, and parts of California. Most other areas have far fewer single members available for dating and relationships. Single, active members can be especially sparse in most areas besides those just listed.
Issues/Challenges to Address Before Moving:
*Money, Kids, and/or Family Support: the main reason people have for not choosing to move to an area with more single members are because they have certain practical real-life factors apart from their social life that keep them where they are: a good career, family connections are in the area, and/or shared child custody with an ex in a coparenting arrangement. If a combination of those reasons leads you to feel you need to stay where you are—at least for a certain period of time—that is fine. You may choose to stay where you are and largely forgo dating for a while, or may open yourself up to possible LDRs (long distance relationships). If you would like to look into long distance relationships, learn more about navigating this at https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/long-distance-relationships-ldrs-243/.
*Anxiety and Other Emotional Issues: To make the daring move to uproot your life and move to an area with more single members, it can be emotionally challenging. If you are currently experiencing too much anxiety or depression to make such a move, you should probably work these issues out first before making your move. Consider getting regular counseling with a qualified and licensed psychotherapist. Also, self-help materials and groups may be helpful as well.
A good idea: meet with a therapist and ask him or her what ideas and self-help materials they would recommend for your particular situation. For more information on hypnosis self-help materials you may wish to look into, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/hypnosis-as-a-self-help-resource-258/. In sum, if your emotional issues and concerns are a main barrier keeping you from moving, please WORK ON THEM. Regularly. Don’t assume it is hopeless. Also, don’t assume your issues will just go away on their own over time. Be proactive. If your emotional state is what is mainly keeping you where you are, face it and work on it. Remove this barrier interfering with getting what you want in life.
*Comfort Zone Challenges: A true barrier to moving is just being comfortable with where you are, in spite of its limited social opportunities. I remember research back in graduate school stating that on average about 50% of people still live in the same city/metro/general area where they were born and grew up. So many people get used to an area that they can feel hesitant or even scared to go away from their comfortable, known area. To go somewhere new may be intimidating, even scary. If this describes you and you are too afraid to leave your usual surroundings, you may wish to also meet with a psychotherapist to work through your anxiety over fear of community/environment change. Remember, the greater the risk, the greater the reward. Why not go out on a limb? That is where all of the good fruit is.
*Feeling Relationally Resentful or Scarred: Another barrier to possibly moving for social opportunities is if you currently feel too emotionally scarred or resentful from your last relationship, perhaps you aren’t currently ready for ANY new relationship right now, let alone one in a new area. Before moving—or perhaps after moving but before dating again—please work out, resolve, and move beyond any notable scars, resentments, and trust issues interfering with having a new, healthy relationship.
If this challenge describes you, consider regular help with a psychotherapist, as well as reading and implementing ideas from articles on the subject:
https://secure.nch.com.au/cgi-bin/register.exe?action=x&ppid=890
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/when-your-current-partner-pays-for-what-the-ex-did-134/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/getting-ready-for-another-relationship-111/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/how-to-trust-again-22/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/letting-go-of-heartbreak-19/
Final Thoughts:
In my opinion, if you can successfully address or resolve the issues and factors mentioned in this article, moving to a new area with greater member dating opportunities may be better for you. Think about it, pray about it, and consider the logistics. If you can figure out these factors, I would recommend moving to increase your chances of finding and marrying an active member. If one or more of the previously discussed factors interfere with your ability to move, this may not work for you now, but perhaps moving would work for you at a later time.
As a final thought, whatever you choose to do here, I recommend that you think of dating and eventually finding a good church member to marry like the parables of searching the kingdom of heaven in the New Testament, and then search for your eventual temple marriage accordingly: “Again, the kingdom of heaven (searching to marry a good member) is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven (searching to marry a good member) is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold ball that he had, and bought it.” –Matthew 13:44-46. And remember this is worth it because ultimately, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2021-06-14 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Marriage preparation |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).