by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
In the LDS Singles world, it can take months, years, even decades before you find a partner to marry. In the process, sometimes you will have someone you are dating, other times you will not. Along the journey, having and enjoying fellow single friends--usually of the same sex--is an important resource and support. Not only do friends provide needed companionship, support, validation, and connection, but they can be get you out of the house to enjoy life and have fun. Without friends, singles are at risk for becoming more reclusive and may be more likely to struggle with psychological challenges like depression, anxiety, self-esteem challenges, and so on. Having a nice little group of, say, 2-5 other good close friends can truly be a help and improve your quality of life.
Many speculate that Jesus Christ, at least during his 3+ year earthly ministry--may have been married. He was known to be a rabbi and to have a beard--signs of being married according to Jewish custom. Still, we don't know for sure whether has was married or not and in the LDS church don't have an official doctrine on the subject. However, one thing that we do know for sure is that Jesus had a great, close circle of friends, commonly known as his 12 disciples. These friends were of great support, connection, and companionship during his many travels and journeys preaching and doing miracles. Of these disciples, later ordained as apostles, Jesus said, "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you" (John 15: 15-16). Friends are important in our earthly journey as well, especially when we are single.
Of course, the particular friends you choose will go a long way to determine your quality of life during your journey as a single. But how do you determine good friends from…not so good friends? Very carefully.
Friends That Can Be Trouble
There is an ominous old saying that goes, "with friends like those, who needs enemies?" Some friends cause you big problems and are more trouble than they are worth. Several main bad signs of poor choices of friends include the following.
Bad friends may:
--talk negatively about you behind your back and put you down
--rarely initiate getting together, if ever (it's mainly you promoting getting together)
--put down or badmouth whatever dating prospects you are interested in
--possess a very pessimistic, negativistic attitude about both dating life and life in general
--engage in a lot of complaining, backbiting, slander, and gossip towards others
--suddenly show interest in and compete for people you revealed you are interested in dating
--commonly argue with you or find fault and criticisms of you
--be easily offended and are quick to act persecuted by you and others over small, even invisible offenses
--possess any other trait that leaves you tired and drained after you are around them
Quality Friends
Good quality friends basically demonstrate the positive opposite of all of the before-mentioned traits of troublesome friends. Good fellow single friends will generally:
--maintain a positive attitude about dating and the opposite gender
--give much more positive energy and leave you feeling uplifted after being around them
--speak well of you both in front of you and behind your back
--initiate getting together at least as often as you do
--not just talk about themselves, but listen well and take a genuine interest in you, where you are coming from, and what you think and feel
--try to go on dates themselves and role model a good effort to find an eternal companion
--be as positive, optimistic, and energetic as they can manage
--give more than they take
Final Thoughts
The ideas in this little article may seem pretty simplistic and black and white. In real life, good vs bad friends exist on a continuum and you may have to get to know people a little better to really make a decision on what kind of friend they will be. Just consider some of these ideas along the way. Don't be afraid to distance from negative, toxic friends. Don't be afraid to look for and add new high quality friends when you can. However long it takes to find a spouse, good friends make all of the difference. Good friendships really can last a lifetime and beyond. They will help you in your journey. Enjoy the journey, enjoy your single years, because someday it will change and marriage will be there for you sooner or later. That is the Lord's way. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
**To readers: to submit a question to Dr. G for a future Q and A column, please send your questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Also, please register for a free account at www.ldsdimension.com for access to previous and future Dr. G articles.
| 2017-03-26 | Randy Gilchrist | Healthy relationships |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).