One of the more challenging things I have noticed women often struggling with is how simple men really tend to be. This usually causes a struggle in the form of confusion, frustration, and contention. As if there is more going on than there is. And yet, rarely is there more going on. In previous articles I reviewed things men tend to want, like, and need in a relationship (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-do-men-want-3/) as well as things that men want women to know about men (https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-men-want-women-to-know-about-men-178/). If you have read those two articles, you may have noticed a theme emerge: that we men tend to be pretty simple. We think, feel, and act pretty simply. Our tastes and focuses are pretty simple. We often exist on surface levels. We often focus on just 1 thing—or sometimes, nothing at all. Understanding and accepting these differences instead of battling against them can help women greatly in their relationships. Knowledge is power.
Ways Men Are Simple:
*Appetite: we men like food. Like, a lot. When we have our favorite foods and a lot of it, we are pretty happy and satisfied. A tougher conversation is easier to have with him if he has a full stomach.
*Sleep: we men like our sleep. We like naps, sleeping in, and just relaxing.
*Simple Focuses: rarely are we men thinking about more than 1 thing at a time. Usually our focus is on what is right in front of us or what is going on at the time, often for that day or in the near future.
*Fun: whatever it is that we men enjoy doing, that is a big priority to us. Whatever our personal hobbies or interests are either by ourselves or with guy friends, we long to do those things. Examples could include pet projects in the garage or backyard, sports, hanging out with the guys, video games, music, etc.
*Sex: sex is a regular focus for men, whether or not we are married. Both inside and outside of marriage, we think about it often. As members of the church we often battle with trying to control or suppress inappropriate thoughts. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we do not. But a high sexual focus is common and naturally in our wiring.
*Visual Orientation: We men are extremely visually oriented when it relates to women. We are extremely and immediately attracted to the sexual parts of women (breasts, butt), as well as other natural attractors (clear skin, symmetrical face, hourglass figure). For more information on what we men are visually attracted to, see my earlier article: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67/.
*Positive Reinforcement Seeking: If we men get positive reinforcement and praise from the woman in our life, we feel like the hero. We feel like we are doing a good job in the relationship. We approach a relationship like a job with the lady in our life acting as the relationship boss. So when the boss gives us a compliment, we feel that we are doing our job well.
*Mood sensitivity: our mood as men is often gobbled up and overwhelmed by the usually stronger mood of the woman we are with and around. So if she is in a bad mood and we are in a good mood, our mood often drops with her. Conversely, if we are in a bad mood and she is in a good mood, we tend to get perked up. This is where the old idea comes from: if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
*Bonding Activities: we get close to the woman in our life primarily through shared activities: doing projects together, doing fun things together, relaxing together, etc. We bond through doing activities together, moreso than through words.
*Saying What We Mean, Meaning What We Say: verbally we tend to be very simple and straight forward. We are talking about what we are talking about, often with a certain clear goal in mind. Hence, we often get lost or irritated when the conversation veers to the highly emotional, metaphorical, or indirect.
*Fix It Mode: when listening to an upset woman, it quickly activates our fight or flight mode. Therefore, we get very uncomfortable immediately when she is upset, especially if she is crying. So, we often quickly go into fix it mode in an attempt to try to swing her into a better mood. Listening patiently as she vents is often tortuous for us guys both physically and emotionally. This discomfort is often misinterpreted by women as we men “just not caring”. It is actually the opposite.
*Goals and Outcomes: instead of a focus on equality, we guys tend to believe in a hierarchy where the person who is better at something should be given preference when deciding or controlling an issue. Because the bottom line is what matter to men. We are more about competence than fairness. We value the ability to achieve goals and accomplish results. That is often why we strive so hard to be competent.
Final Thoughts:
There are other simple traits of men beyond these, but this is a pretty good list to review and start with. Therefore, rather than trying to change these masculine traits, please understand them and work with them. Find compromise, collaboration, and negotiation together. Meet him part way. Enjoy these differences rather than battling against them or trying to change them. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2020-05-18 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding men |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).