Aesop was a Greek philosopher from 2500 BC. He is most famous for his fables—short stories with a moral at the end concerning traits of human nature. The most famous of his fables is “Sour Grapes”—where a wolf sees a bushel of grapes over a fence, jumps up to bite them, can’t quite reach him, and then walks away frustrated. While walking away he says to himself, “well those grapes were probably just sour anyway”. The moral of that story is that sometimes when frustrated and feeling spiteful, we put down what we can’t have to try to not feel so bad about it, however the negative comments are often not true. However, it is said to comfort oneself, often in an erroneous and self-defeating fashion.
For this article, I am going to be posting another fable of Aesop that I think has a wise applicability to dating, relationships, and marriage. It is called, “The North Wind and the Sun”. I will post it below and then discuss the moral of the story in relation to dating and relationships.
The North Wind & the Sun:
The North Wind and the Sun had a quarrel about which of them was the stronger. While they were disputing with much heat and bluster, a Traveler passed along the road wrapped in a cloak.
"Let us agree," said the Sun, "that he is the stronger who can strip that Traveler of his cloak."
"Very well," growled the North Wind, and at once sent a cold, howling blast against the Traveler.
With the first gust of wind the ends of the cloak whipped about the Traveler's body. But he immediately wrapped it closely around him, and the harder the Wind blew, the tighter he held it to him. The North Wind tore angrily at the cloak, but all his efforts were in vain.
Then the Sun began to shine. At first his beams were gentle, and in the pleasant warmth after the bitter cold of the North Wind, the Traveler unfastened his cloak and let it hang loosely from his shoulders. The Sun's rays grew warmer and warmer. The man took off his cap and mopped his brow. At last he became so heated that he pulled off his cloak, and, to escape the blazing sunshine, threw himself down in the welcome shade of a tree by the roadside.
Gentleness and kind persuasion win where force and bluster fail.
(Source: https://read.gov/aesop/143.html)
Implications of this fable:
In dating, relationships, and marriage, we commonly want the other person to treat us better or make more efforts in the relationship. Within reason, these wants, hopes, and desires can be normal and reasonable. However, the approach we take to try to persuade and influence the other matters a good deal. In other words, with a good approach including kind persuasion, influencing skills, and positive reinforcement, the message will be far more likely to be received well and worked with. However, with an approach that is more negative, full of pressure, and involving power struggle, the message will often be resisted and pushed back on. In other words, if you try to force someone to do something, they will resist the message because of the negative delivery method. So, please be careful with and improve the way you deliver requests and share feelings with your partner. In short, the approach and the delivery matters.
To improve your approach and be more persuasive, I suggest this book: Influence—The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini. Dr. Cialdini is commonly recognized as the world’s top expert in influencing and persuasion skills out of Arizona State University. I also recommend listening regularly to this related hypnosis session: “Be More Persuasive”, found at this link: https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/job-skills/more-persuasive.
Final Thoughts:
Positive, non-threatening, non-pressuring influence and persuasion will tend to go much better with people than pressure, arguing, and negativity. Please learn and incorporate these skills into all relationships, but especially dating and marriage relationships. The more you learn and practice these people skills, the easier and more cooperative your relationships will be. There are many videos, audios, and books on the subject. I recommend starting with the two I mentioned earlier. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2023-07-03 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).