There is an old saying that contains great wisdom: “nothing positive ever came from something negative”. This is true. The one exception: in algebra, a negative number times a negative number becomes a positive result. But real life relationships don’t work that way and don’t operate on this same principle. More negativity just yields more negativity. So therefore, if you are in a negative way and trying to meet people, date, and have relationships, your prospects for success are…very low indeed. With negativity, the likelihood is greatest that 1) you will either attract another negative or exploitive person, 2) you could choose another negative or exploitive person, or 3) you could choose a positive person but who has traits of codependency that wants to save you from yourself, which does not bode well for the future health or sustainability of the relationship. In short, when approaching a relationship negatively, you will most likely get a negative results, which ironically then confirms that original negative outlook. And on and on the cycle continues.
Breaking Out of Negativity:
*Develop a strong commitment to positivity in your self-talk. Take a much closer look at your self-talk. Is the content of what goes through your mind positive or at least neutral? Or does it largely have negative, critical, angry or depressive elements? Practice finding silver linings in negative situations. After figuring out your gameplan to deal with a challenge, cultivate an optimistic outlook on your prospects for success. Give yourself praise and compliments inside when things go well. Find a positive spin and encouragement to tell yourself when things don’t go as well and go back to the drawing board. In general, practice thinking and redirecting your thoughts towards that which is optimistic, hopeful, and encouraging.
*Development a commitment towards positive words and conversations with others. Take a closer look at the words you use towards others in front of you, as well as towards others not present in front of you. Minimize negative opinions and perspectives. Minimize or avoid backbiting, gossip, or slandering others as well. Find more positive things to share with/about others. Find positives in general to share with whomever you are talking to. The best way to correct and improve your conversations with others involves 1) awareness of the negative or positive content of the conversations, and 2) skewing the conversations predominantly towards that which is positive from there.
*Spend your time with positive materials. Be careful with what you read, listen to, or watch. Spend time with materials that are uplifting and have a predominantly positive and encouraging message. Find things to spend time with that fosters hope and optimism with the present and the future. Pay special attention to how you feel while engaging with any material. Ask yourself: how do I feel while I’m reading/listening to/watching _____? Do I feel uplifted or deflated? Do I feel encouraged or discouraged? Do I feel loving or angry? Giving or selfish? There is another good saying to remember on this positivity subject: that which we focus on, we amplify. Therefore, please focus on and amplify positivity in your live through emphasizing exposure to predominantly positive materials. It will send your mood and life in a better direction. Negativity will do the opposite.
*Focus on the hopeful, positive, encouraging elements of the gospel. The word “gospel” literally can be translated to “good news”. The good news of the gospel is that we have a Savior that did the atonement for us. And why is this “good news”? Because through the atonement, all of us will be resurrected in the next life. In addition, as we exercise faith, repentance, and treat others well, we can have eternal life in the celestial kingdom. The more we study, focus on, and emphasize the good news of the gospel in our lives, the happier and the more hopeful we feel, in spite of the hassles, challenges, and disappointments that occur periodically in life. A couple of suggestions: download the Gospel Library app, choose general conference, and choose to listen to talks from a very positive, hope-producing general authority you feel you especially connect with. All talks from all general authorities from all conferences are listed in order there. Some very positive, encouraging general authorities I have found are Elder Uchtdorf, Elder Holland, and President Monson, among others. And yes, it is OK to have favorite general authorities. It is human nature to connect more with some people than others. Along with the conference talks, I also suggest the hopeful Christ-focused books, “Believing Christ” by Stephen Robinson and “Jesus the Christ” by James Talmage.
Final Thoughts:
Positivity is a choice, a focus, and a lifestyle. I encourage you to please adopt positivity as a lifestyle. The more positive you are, the more attractive you become to other positive people. Your prospects for a healthier, happier life with a high quality person increase as your optimism and positive focus increases as well. Man and woman were meant to be together, and “men are that they might have joy”. Choose positivity to live the way the Lord meant us to live, both personally and relationally. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-09-11 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).