by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
A hermit is a person who is a homebody that rarely leaves the house beyond going to work or the store. A hermit socializes with others little and rarely goes out on dates (if ever). A hermit has largely given up socializing with most other people in general. They often possess social anxiety and/or social pessimism. Do you know a person like this? Are you a person like this? If so, the isolation and distance from people can lead to depression, anxiety, loneliness, and lowered self esteem. It's important to break out of this rut and live your life. Make some connections. Make friends. Date and get married (or remarried). Have a family. You'll be happier.
So how does this happen? How does one become a social hermit? There are many things that could contribute to people developing these traits. Maybe they have been hurt/rejected/disappointed in previous relationships and are hesitant to re-engage. Maybe they suffer from anxiety and feel overwhelmed by the social landscape. Perhaps their suffer from self-esteem and self-confidence issues based on their looks, economics, or social standing. Whatever the background, whatever the circumstances, being a social hermit causes and compounds the problems.
Breaking Out and Socializing
Rarely can anyone count on others kicking down the door to invite them out socially and show them a good time. On the contrary. As the old saying goes, if it is to be, it's up to me. If you are tired of being a hermit and would like to break out, find and go out with friends, or even date, here are some ideas to help you get going:
1) When you can't get yourself to get out and socialize with others quite yet, you can still do some productive things to help get you to that point. You can read social skills building self help materials such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. You can post and respond on social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.). You can call or text a friend. Even better, invite someone over. In short, prepare for or engage in whatever social option you are up for at home to begin.
2) If you have no formal place to go out to, go do some errands or window shopping in a mall or other busy store or locale. Be around people. Practice saying hi, introducing yourself, and even engaging in light conversations with others when you can get yourself to do so. You will do better socializing if you are at least used to being out around others, and even more so if you can get used to being around crowds of people.
3) Research, plan, and attend as many fun, formal get-togethers as possible such as at church, as well as classes, groups, clubs, or other organizations. A dance class is a particularly great way to get to know a number of people and have fun. Church always has activities, such as firesides, dances, FHE, and other fun events. Perhaps try different meet up groups from online. You have as much right to be in any of these places as anyone else.
4) As needed to help you overcome social anxiety and to develop/sharpen your people skills, attend some counseling/psychotherapy with a qualified and licensed psychotherapist. Sometimes professional help may be needed to overcome these issues in more extreme cases.
You need to be social and make friends. You need to date and marry. You'll feel much better and be happier. And you can. Follow these ideas to help you make it happen. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
**To readers: to submit a question to Dr. G for a future Q and A column, please send your questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Also, please register for a free account at www.ldsdimension.com for access to previous and future Dr. G articles.
| 2016-07-18 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).