by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
Dating in the LDS Singles community can be fraught with emotional and psychological challenges: frustration, anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy, loneliness, self-esteem challenges, disappointment, bitterness, anxiety, guilt, and so on. Perhaps the most common challenge is the routine feeling of frustration over desiring to have someone to date and eventually marry, only to have relationships fail and opportunities missed or lost for a variety of possible reasons. No wonder people sometimes want to give up.
Many people ask me as a psychologist what they are doing wrong and why have they not found anyone. Sometimes there are some clear things that need improvement to increase dating and relationship opportunities, depending on the person. Other times, a single is trying hard and basically doing everything right to meet someone, yet the results still have not occurred for unknown reasons. In either event…
Stay the Course
Of course, giving up trying to meet, date and eventually marry someone is not the answer. For some people they meet someone quickly, for others it can take years or even decades, and for others still, meeting a companion might happen in the next life. It is different for every person. But continuing regular efforts to try to meet someone and foster an eternal relationship is an excellent goal to stick with continually until it finally happens. If you get overly burned out or frustrated along the way, taking a brief break for a few weeks or even a few months may be needed. But as soon as you can reasonably pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again, please do so. It can take time and a high quantity of social encounters and interactions to find the one quality social connection and relationship. Pace yourself. See this as more marathon than sprint.
A Spiritual Commandment
Spiritually, we have been commanded to marry as man and woman, and to have that be the most important relationship in our lives:
"Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:4-6).
Furthermore, from The Family: A Proclamation to the World from 1995 it states:
WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children...
THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.
Keep Trying
Learn about dating and relationships through books, audio, and video. Eat right, exercise, and get into better shape. Go to social functions. Create your own social functions and invite others to it. Initiate conversation. As needed, go to a psychotherapist and/or your bishop for ideas, support, and direction. Talk and listen to others. Be the high quality person you wish to meet. In other words, always try, try, try in better, more effective, more efficient ways. Pace yourself with these efforts in a way you can continually maintain: enough efforts often enough to give you a reasonable chance for success--but not trying too hard that you wear out and stop altogether. You came to earth to succeed, including in this challenging area. And you can and eventually will succeed. This is the way the plan is designed. It is an eternal principle and commandment. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
| 2017-08-17 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Healthy relationships, Marriage preparation |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).