Red Light Signals-- When They Aren't Interested

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)

One of the hardest parts of the dating experience is noticing and concluding that someone you are interested is not interested in you in return. Part of the time it is obvious. Especially when the other person just comes out and says it to you: "I am not interested in you", "I don't think we are a match", "I don't feel the chemistry together", "I feel we are more friends", "I just don't feel the spark", any other "I am not interested in you" statement clichés. If someone ever says any of these statements to you, please believe them. Accept it and move on to greener pastures--to another who will give you back the same level of interest you have to offer. Most of the rest of the time, however, people just give "signs" and "hints" that they are not interested in dating out a fear of hurting your feelings or straight out conflict avoidance. To minimize hurt, rejection, and frustration, the sooner that you can recognize and accept these indirect signs of disinterest, the less overall hurt you will experience, and again, the sooner you can move forward with your life. Accordingly, the following are less obvious but still relevant "red light signals" of romantic disinterest.

Red Light Signals of Disinterest:

*When you come in to a room or area, it seems they regularly leave or move away soon thereafter.
*When you are trying to talk to them, they look away and give very short or abrupt answers.
*If you try to touch them, they react with a bit or repulsion and try to stop/remove the physical contact quickly (such as by moving away, removing your hand, etc).
*It seems they talk little to you and demonstrate low motivation, but you notice they talk a lot and demonstrate much more energy and verbal participation when socializing with others.
*You ask them to do something together, they seem to always have an excuse or are always too "busy", and they don't offer or suggest to reschedule.
*In your discussions with them, it seems that they regularly find opportunity to disagree with you, even contradict or argue with what you are saying; they seem to act "difficult".
*When around, you notice the other actually seems to have a "pained" or "put out" look on their face.
*If you actually do manage to get them to agree to go out with you, you notice them making excuses for ways out of it as the day gets closer.
*If you do manage go out with them, they appear not to be having a good time, don't offer ideas about possible future dates or outings, and offer a distant "friend
hug" or handshake at the end.
*In discussions, you notice the other finds opportunity to engage in opposite stances on subjects and even seem oppositional in general.
*You hear rumblings from other people that the person of interest has been saying negative things about you and/or actually tell you they aren't interested.
*Other people say they don't see the two of you together and/or suggest you consider pursuing someone else (because they probably have heard something confirming the other isn't interested in you, and they just don't want to come out and say it and possibly hurt your feelings).
*You hear them say how they dislike ____ (a thing or activity you clearly, strongly like or are interested in).
*With you, it seems they are physically distant, but you see them very snuggling and physically affectionate with others.
*In conversations, they give very brief, curt, blunt answers to your questions and give little or no follow up questions or discussion in return; the conversation seems forced and painful; gaps of awkward silence are common.
*It seems like the other is trying to break the news to you somehow that they are not interested, and offer hints accordingly even if the conversation never gets there.

Final Suggestions:

If and when you see a clear accumulation of red light signals, move on. They are probably not interested. Believe it, and move on accordingly. If, by chance, the other person actually somehow actually is secretly interested, is acting coy/playing hard to get, and was just giving you negative signals as a game, I still suggest to move on. Such game playing is a sign of low maturity and a lack of consideration for other's feelings, and such a person probably won't be worth your time. Find a person who is as into you as you are to them. That is how it was meant to be. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Sincerely,
Dr. G

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