Roughly 50%+ of all marriages result in divorce, with divorces among member couples approaching the rates of the national norm. Knowing why divorces commonly happen can be helpful to be aware of. This way, ideally, you can address, compromise, and work through these issues before they evolve into a true crisis and an eventual divorce. There is an old saying: kill the monster while it is small. Not when it has grown to the size of Godzilla or King Kong. Other applicable sayings here: nip it in the bud, head it off at the pass, etc. Knowing these risk areas early before getting married can help you call special attention to assessing and working out whichever of these areas need addressing early on before a crisis.
Reasons for Divorce:
*Money: Money issues are universal challenge for most spouses, regardless of how much income is (or isn’t) there. For couples with low household earnings, stress on the marriage usually comes from the strain to pay basic bills: mortgage, car, food, gas, utilities, etc. For couples with adequate or even high incomes, money stress usually involves money and spending decisions and the need to budget. With most couples, one spouse is more responsible with money, whereas the other spouse likes to spend excessively, even emotionally. Money stresses like these can and do take a serious toll on marriages. This touchy topic needs to be talked out, compromised with, and found agreement with. For more ideas on compromise and money, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/money-and-compromise-221/.
*Sexual Dissatisfaction: In most all marriages, one spouse (usually but not always the man) has a higher libido and wants sex more often, and the other spouse (usually but not always the woman) has a lower libido and doesn’t care for sex as often. The fact that this difference and discrepancy exists is common and typical. How this difference is navigated is critical for marital satisfaction and connection. Communication, compromise, negotiation, and workable agreements on the subject are essential. Otherwise, arguments, resentment, and distance commonly follow, which eventually puts the entire marriage at risk. When sex lives in marriage shrink or disappear, issues like pornography and emotional or physical cheating (infidelity) becomes bigger risks and issues, and marital problems compound. Fail to work through differences with this issue at your own risk. For more information on this subject, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/sexual-dysfunction-in-marriage-40/.
*Addiction: There are numerous addictions that, when done excessively, can eventually ruin and destroy marriages. Common addictions that have often contributed to divorces include spouses being addicted to illicit drugs, prescription abuse, alcohol, gambling, sexually acting out (outside of marriage), and so on. When indulging in such activities, enormous hurt, friction, trust problems, distance, and overall strain on the marriage will result. Addictions need to be addressed, including the spouse receiving whatever professional help or treatment may be needed. A good resource to help with addictions is hypnosis. A decent place to find appropriate and applicable addiction related hypnosis sessions can be found at: https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/addiction-help.
*Abuse: There are numerous types of abuse that could lead to divorce. Verbal and emotional abuse involves hurtful words and/or neglectful avoidance. Physical abuse involves physically assaulting or controlling others in a hurtful fashion. This could include hitting, kicking, slapping, grabbing, breaking things, taking the other’s phone or keys (so they can’t leave), blocking the door, and other ways to physically control or hurt others. Sexual abuse involves all forms of sexual assault, including not respecting a “no” and taking advantage of the other. For more information on abuse and the abusive tactics common on marriages and relationships in general, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/abusive-tactics-in-relationships-103/.
*Infidelity: Also known as cheating and adultery, infidelity has led to many divorces. Some people cheat because straying in the marriage can be almost like a sport or an addictive compulsion. The old-fashioned term for such individuals is “philanderers”. However, most cheating in marriage occurs because the distance and resentment that commonly creeps into a marriage leads a spouse to open up with and connect to another person. This emotional connection, especially when paired with physical attraction, puts a spouse at risk for crossing lines and engaging in full-blown infidelity. For more ideas on infidelity, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/cheating-to-end-or-continue-the-relationship-262/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/emotional-affairs-208/.
Final Thoughts:
Again, as you are aware of these several risk factors for divorce, you can address such issues early on in a relationship and marriage. Ignore such risks at your own peril. As you work through such issues early and often, you can hopefully “divorce proof” your future marriage. Such efforts are worth it to make your marriage work and last. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-04-09 | Randy Gilchrist | Conflict resolution |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).