I have been doing therapy since 1997. Over the years and thousands of sessions later, I have had the luxury of gaining some great insights from my clients. One type of insight I enjoy comes from the quotes and sayings shared along the way offering great application for many situations in life people are experiencing, including those in dating and relationships. In this article I am going to review a number of the more helpful sayings and quotes I can recall in hopes that you too can be helped by them.
Quotes and Sayings:
*If it is to be, it’s up to me.
Application: whatever you want, you need to be the one to make it happen. If others help you along the way, that is a bonus. But if you just wait for others to help you and the help doesn’t come, that is an ineffective and frustrating approach to challenges. We are all here on earth to be tested and overcome challenges. As you approach your current situation with the spirit of “if it is to be, it’s up to me”, you will be happier with the results and feel like a more empowered, capable person.
*--More of the same brings more of the same.
--If you keep doing what you are doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.
--Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.
Application: you can’t expect better results and improvements with your life situation if you continue to approach your challenges the same way. Because approaching things the same way will, of course, result the same way again and again. A bad recipe results in the same bad product every time. So, you need to learn to approach your challenges in a better, different way. This may sound obvious, but yet too often people violate this common sense idea.
*--I’m a big believer in luck. The harder I work, the luckier I get.
--Make your own luck.
Application: if you want improvements, you might get a lucky break. But much more likely: you will need to work hard towards the outcome you are looking for. Lucky breaks are a bonus. But most likely, good results follow hard work.
*They got your goat.
Application: if a farmer has his or her livestock stolen, they are going to be pretty upset. In a similar way, if you allow others to get that same kind of reaction out of you whenever they mistreat you, you will likely suffer from anger and resentment. Do not allow others to affect and control you this way. Don’t allow their problems and issues to be yours. Learn to let it go.
*--Be proactive, not reactive.
--Don’t allow people to control you. You need to control you.
Application: you need to actively determine yourself, versus allowing others to determine you. If you allow others to decide what you do, think, and feel, you are living a reactive lifestyle. Instead, lead a more self-driven life where you determine you.
*--Most of a healthy relationship comes from the pick. The rest comes from the efforts you make from there.
--Pick well, nurture well.
Application: the quality of partner that you pick is the greatest determiner of what kind of a relationship you will have from there. After that, how you treat them will determine the rest. If you pick poorly, your efforts still won’t make for a good, healthy relationship. Also, if you picked well but you don’t treat them right, that will also doom a relationship. So, both parts of the equation are necessary for a healthy, happy relationship.
*Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Application: don’t throw away everything when only part of a situation is bad. In a relationship, challenge the problem parts of a person only. If they have enough good to overcome the problems, they may still be a keeper. Don’t be rash in ending your relationship choices. Look at the big picture.
*Sometimes you need the carrot and sometimes you need the stick.
Application: in trying to motivate others, there are times to give them the “carrot” (positive praise and reinforcement), while other times call for the “stick” (negative consequences such as removing yourself). Success in a relationship requires figuring out when to do either, and then following through.
*--The golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
--Treat others the way you want to be treated.
--Don’t expect others to treat you better than you treat them.
Application: don’t expect others to treat you in positive, healthy ways if you are not actively doing the same for them. A relationship is a two-way street, not a one way street.
*Treat others not what is worthy or them, but what is worthy of you.
Application: too often in relationships, we withhold good treatment of others because we determine “they don’t deserve it”. Well, that may or may not be true. However, when you treat others well primarily because of your own principles and values--because that is the kind of person you aspire to be--you are following a higher principle and living a healthier life. I recommend following this concept. You will sleep better at night.
*Success = perseverance + adjustments.
Application: if there is anything you are trying to do that has not yet been successful, it is because you are lacking either (or both) of these principles. Try to figure out what better, different way you could use to approach something, and then keep trying. Don’t give up.
*Nothing is personal if you really think about it, so don’t take it that way.
Application: if someone treats you poorly, remember that they will also treat others that same bad way in a similar circumstance. So, it isn’t personal. It is about the other person’s poor coping mechanisms. In essence, nothing needs to be taken personally. That doesn’t mean poor treatment won’t naturally bother you to a degree. But it means with this principle, things don’t have to bother you as much. The less personally you take things, the better.
Final Thought:
There are many other good quotes and sayings, but these few can act as good ideals and rules of thumbs for yourself as you navigate relationships and life. Be wise, approach situations with intelligence, and treat others well. You will make your life better, as well as the lives of those around you. Use these ideas to help you with relationships and life success. And remember, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2023-07-09 | Randy Gilchrist | Healthy relationships |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).