An important thing to keep in mind as a single person is, “is ____ trait about me attractive or repelling”? If a trait is repelling, it will effectively keep people away from you and make beginning and sustaining a relationship a challenging endeavor. Conversely, the more attractive things you have about yourself, the more relationship opportunities you will have, as well as a greater ability for these relationships to be lasting or even lead to marriage.
One trait I invite you to consider is optimism. To be an optimistic person means that you primarily look for and expect the best of people, places, situations, and circumstances. Some would call this “wearing rose colored glasses”. Please take that as a compliment rather than a put down.
Conversely, a pessimistic person primarily looks for an and expects the worst of people, places, situations, and circumstances. Often pessimists don’t call themselves pessimists, but instead call themselves “realists”. However, that “reality” is generally a code word for pessimism and the effect is the same. In the dating arena, optimists tend to be more attractive, more enjoyable to be around, warmer, engaging, connective, and just nicer to have in the other’s life. Therefore, being more of an optimist is a great way to make yourself more attractive which will act as a boost to your dating and relationship opportunities.
Becoming More Optimistic:
*Be strategic: when planning events or activities, ask yourself what is needed to make this a success? What plans and preparations will increase the positive moments and decrease the negative ones? Think of positive things to do together, positive things to talk about, and possibly some complimentary, affectionate things you can say to the other.
*Watch your language: in a relationship, the main way that you can demonstrate your optimism is through the words you choose. Practice choosing words and sentences that have positivity and hope in them. Say words that encourage, excite, and create hopefulness. State things where the best is expected. Choose complimentary words that show affection and positive attention as well. Don’t lie or be fake. Look for things you can truly feel that way about and talk about them accordingly.
*Warm up your non-verbals: an optimistic person is also a warm, positive person in general. Practice smiling more, having an engaging, open body language, utilize a warm and friendly tone of voice, and brighten your facial features. Remember to practice these traits, possibly in the mirror. An optimistic person will also be positive and affectionate the way they outwardly carry themselves. I suggest that you work to adopt these ideas accordingly.
*Look for positive topics to emphasize in discussions: when you are apart from someone you are dating, do your homework. Research and study different topics or events in the news and other media that emphasize positivity somehow. That which brightens one’s day and is uplifting. This can be very challenging since so much of the media today is negative, which pulls people in as it upsets them. When you study and collect positive stories and events, you will have that much more enjoyable things to discuss and focus on when you are with and around your significant other.
*Get feedback from others: go to trusted family or friends. Let them know you wish to be a more positive, optimistic person. Ask for their feedback on how you are currently doing in this department. Ask them what you are doing well now. Ask also about those areas you could stand to do some improvement with. In the areas needing improvement, log and track your particular efforts to approach those areas in a better, more positive fashion. Ask your trusted friend or family member how they feel you are doing as time moves forward and you demonstrate your efforts to be better. Allow them to offer constructive criticism, as well as to let you know what you are doing well. Keep doing that which you are doing well. With the other parts you are not doing as well with, ask for their assistance with ideas for how you can improve. Practice and incorporate these ideas. See those giving you constructive criticism as support people and advocates for you, rather than someone who is just trying to give you a hard time.
Final Thoughts:
I suggest that you think of the concept of being more optimistic as more of a choice, a skill, and a lifestyle versus a rigid personality trait that some lucky people have but perhaps you do not. You can be optimistic. Remember that being optimistic is attractive and is a great selling point to others that you are enjoyable to be around and to interact with. Remember that you are selling yourself in this way. Shed any old pessimistic ways and replace them with optimism. You will be gad you did—both relationally but also for your life in general. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-12-19 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).