by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter known for his great beauty. He was proud, self-absorbed, and had great disdain towards those that family and friends that loved him. Narcissus eventually came across a reflective pool where he enjoyed looking at himself all day. In fact, Narcissus completely fell in love with his own reflection, not even realizing it was just a reflection. He stayed looking at his reflecting pool all day and night. Narcissisus eventually lost his will to live, gave up his usually duties and responsibilities in life and died right there at that spot. A true Greek tragedy. From this myth comes the modern term "narcissistic", meaning, "having a fixation with oneself, one's physical appearance, and/or or one's public perception". In short, being very proud and self-absorbed.
Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person is very dangerous and will most likely lead to you being emotionally hurt and the relationship ending badly. So, what can you look for in others to beware of those with narcissistic traits? The DSM-V (the official book we psychologists get our diagnoses from) gives a pretty clear picture and definition of narcissism. Accordingly, here is a description of and the official traits of "narcissistic personality disorder".
The Traits of Narcissism
The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.
People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way. This association enhances their self-esteem, which is typically quite fragile underneath the surface. Individuals with NPD seek excessive admiration and attention in order to know that others think highly of them. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat, and may be left feeling humiliated or empty when they experience an "injury" in the form of criticism or rejection.
Specific Symptoms
Narcissistic personality disorder is indicated by five or more of the following symptoms:
--Exaggerates own importance
--Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance
--Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions
--Requires constant attention and admiration from others
--Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
--Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
--Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
--Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her
--Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes
*50 to 75 percent of the people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are male. Additionally, it is common for many adolescents to display the characteristics listed above; this does not indicate that they will later develop narcissistic personality disorder.
(Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder)
Final Thoughts
My advice to you as daters: look for and beware of people demonstrating such traits. Even if they don't display 5 or more of these traits, beware of any of these traits in a dating partner. The more of these traits you notice in another and the stronger they are demonstrated, the less I would recommend dating or especially committing to such an individual. Move on. You deserve better and you can definitely do better than that. Find a higher quality, more Christ-like person with true long term spouse potential. That is the way it was meant to be. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
| 2017-09-11 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Healthy relationships, Unhealthy relationships, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).