Arguably the greatest impediment towards lasting change and improvement is…a lack of motivation. Motivation is defined by Google as “the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way”, or “the general desire or willingness of someone to do something”. Basically, there two types of motivation. “Internal” or “intrinsic” motivation, which relates to truly wanting to change inside apart from outside influence. The second type is referred to as “external” motivation, which means the motivation is coming from an outside (“external”) source: a person, situation, or circumstance.
Internal motivation is the best way to create and maintain true and lasting change because when a person really wants a change to happen inside, what happens or doesn’t happen outside of themselves doesn’t matter towards the change. Then the person will keep making the efforts required because they truly want the change to occur, in spite of ____. External motivation is weaker than internal motivation because over time the outside person, situation, or circumstance that initially motivated change eventually wanes and loses it’s power.
As a single person looking to date and marry, there are many different possible healthy changes you may wish to make and have as goals to increase your relationship skills and opportunities. These changes might include such things as weight loss (through eating better and exercising more), communication and conversation skills development, overcoming social anxiety, becoming more extraverted, developing a sense of humor and flirting skills, earning more money/paying off debt, getting a temple recommend, controlling negative moods (anger, depression, anxiety), being more optimistic and positive, and so on. If you are not sure what specific changes may be the most helpful to have as your goals, consider taking the BYU produced “Ready” questionnaire for singles, available at www.relatefoundation.com.
Ideas to increase motivation for change and improvement:
Unless you already have the adequate internal motivation needed to generate and maintain a change, you will need to cultivate this motivation externally to get yourself going. Here are some suggestions:
Listen to hypnosis: By listening to a hypnosis audio session each night before bed, you can condition your mind towards cultivating the needed motivation and to change and accomplish your goals. Just relax, focus, and pay attention whenever you can manage to do so, such as before bed. I suggest you search through to sessions available at www.hypnosisdownloads.com and choose some motivational sessions best related to your goals. Here are some possible suggestions, a list of over 30 motivational-oriented sessions you may wish to listen to:
https://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/motivation-inspiration
Listen to Anthony (“Tony”) Robbins: Tony Robbins is undisputably the most popular and successful motivational speaker of the modern era. Since the early 1980s, Tony Robbins has been producing audio programs to help motivate and direct people towards improving their lives. He is a self-made billionaire and massive success for a reason: he is great at being able to motivate, energize, and direct people towards changing and improving their lives. Tony has more energy and enthusiasm than most any other person who has ever lived, and that attitude can be contagious. He has made many audio programs over the years. However, I recommend you try out his first 3 initial short programs from long ago. This will give you a basic introduction and sampling to what he is about. Please listen to his audios instead of reading his materials for maximum motivational effect. If you like those audios below, perhaps you can add more after that. Finally, he also has had done a free podcast show since 2016 on a variety of topics that you can always change out as well.
His 3 initial foundational audio programs that I recommend:
“Unlimited Power” (1986, about 50 minutes):
https://www.amazon.com/Unlimited-Power-Anthony-Robbins-audiobook/dp/B000NHG8BK/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0
“Awaken the Giant Within” (1991, about 90 minutes):
https://www.amazon.com/Awaken-Giant-Within-audiobook/dp/B000NHG8CO/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0
“Giant Steps” (1993, about 2 hours):
https://www.amazon.com/Giant-Steps-Small-Changes-Difference/dp/0743529014/ref=tmm_abk_swatch_0
Visualization: A good way to help motivate yourself is to use visuals. If you think of the goal you want to accomplish, find and examine images that represent this goal accomplishment and save them on your phone to review. Also, you can close your eyes and image the good end results of what it will be like to accomplish your goal. Focusing on real and imagined visuals of your successful goal accomplishment can be a way to motivate yourself and “keep your eyes on the prize”. It is a great way to remember why you are making the efforts that you are making and to give you a motivational preview of the good results you will be working towards now.
Final Thoughts:
Without adequate motivation that eventually becomes internalized, you won’t be able to successfully accomplish any notable goal over time. But with strong enough motivation inside, most goals will be achievable and attainable. Spending some regular time strengthening your motivation towards your goals will help give you the fuel and perseverance to achieve these goals. Will power, self-discipline, and work ethic alone won’t be enough. You need to really want it inside. The healthy, happy marriage at the end will be worth it. Because in the big picture, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2024-03-17 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Marriage preparation |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).