At church we learn the valuable message that how you look really doesn’t matter, especially in an eternal sense. Yet as single adults the message is also sent to date, have relationships, and marry—hopefully in the temple now or later. That marriage is created by God and that is what we need to be searching for and living. The thing is, marriage and physical intimacy requires mutual physical attraction, among other things. So, is there a contradiction there in those 2 ideas of inner worth and physical attractiveness? On the surface it seems like there kind of is. However, looked at specifically, there isn’t a contradiction there. Our worth as children of God with an eternal destiny is inherent and comes from our worthiness keeping the commandments, the degree to which we live the principles of the gospel, whether we done the necessary ordinances (baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and temple covenants) and how we love God and our neighbor. None of those principles and ordinances require a person to be physically attractive.
Accordingly, we have the classic scripture from 1 Samuel 16:7: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. The first part of this scripture confirms that inner worth, our spirituality, and our accountability with God does not relate whatsoever to what we look like physically. However, we are wired to be attracted to certain attributes from the opposite sex. “As man seeth…man looketh on the outward appearance”. That natural wiring is by design and is not a mistake or error. Physical attraction is one of the main things that pulls man and woman together to help ignite and further their relationship together. Therefore, I invite you to think of spiritual and internal worth as being in a different dimension that physical appearance. Remember the important role physical appearance takes in bringing men and women together. It is a good, positive thing. If you ignore or neglect physical appearance than unfortunately, initial relationship opportunities will be limited and harder to find and begin.
Reasonable Ideas to Strengthen Looks:
*Incorporate moderate and regular efforts to improve your looks. I have heard it said that the problems in life come in the extremes: too much or too little efforts and focus. If too much effort is put towards your looks, then too little focus will be given towards other important areas of life. Conversely, too little focus on working on an attractive physical appearance, as already stated, lessens initial dating opportunities. Therefore, please work to put regular, moderate efforts towards improving and maintaining an appealing, attractive appearance.
*Get physically healthy. The more physically healthy you are, the more physically attractive you will also become as well. This involves identifying your ideal weight and working to get down to that weight (and maintaining it). It involves regular, moderate exercise. Maintaining a good, healthy, regular sleep schedule helps as well. Improving your eating habits and adding vitamins/other healthy supplements can be helpful as well. If you aren’t sure where to start on all of this, you may wish to consult a nutritionist or physical trainer. Looking up free information on Google or You Tube can be helpful as well.
*Learn what the opposite sex likes and make reasonable efforts to improve in those areas. Do you know what the opposite sex finds physically attractive? What can you do to develop those attributes the best you reasonably can? If you aren’t sure, look to trusted members of the opposite sex and pay attention. Watch tv or movies with positive (moral) examples of physical attractiveness in the opposite sex. Study these things online. You may wish to go the www.psychologytoday.com and look up the term “evolutionary psychology” or “universal beauty indicators” for more information. Or, simply Google related terms such as “what men find attractive in women” or “what women find attractive in men”. Knowledge is power. Study, apply and incorporate.
*I have written numerous related articles to this topic of looks in the past that you may wish to refer to and incorporate as well:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/the-contrast-effect-hurting-attraction-331/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-men-are-physically-attracted-to-314/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-women-are-physically-attracted-to-313/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-and-money-how-important-301/
Final Thoughts:
Having eternal and inner worth is different than having physical attraction. It is ok to understand that both matter, just in different ways. Strive to be strong in both arenas and you will enjoy the benefits of both in your life. Learning about and working on your physical attractiveness in a regular, moderate manner will improve your initial dating opportunities. It is just the way it is—I am just the messenger. Do your reasonable best in this area and positive results will follow. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-12-11 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).