We learned in the Bible the following regarding looks: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”—I Samuel 16:7. In addition, we also learn the following regarding money: “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”—Matthew 6:19-21, 33
So in sum, the Lord has certain perspectives and direction on the subjects of looks and money. However, you can also glean somewhat the opposite ideas with these topics as well, and somewhat making the opposite case. When scripture says, “man looketh on the outward appearance”, why is that? Because as people, we are wired to have this attraction to bring and keep people together in dating and married relationships. It serves an important function that is positive and good. Furthermore regarding money, we also read the following: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”—I Timothy 5:8. So in short, money and looks matter too, to an appropriate and reasonable level for the important functions they fulfill.
Regarding dating, relationships, and marriage, how important should the factors of looks and money be to you? That is a challenging question to answer. The short answer is that both factors and important, but need to not overshadow other important qualities such as spirituality, communication/interpersonal skills, kindness, respect, consideration, commitment, level of giving, and many other positive attributes. Therefore, this article will simply review the functions both money and looks fulfill.
*Money: freedom and independence. Money offers several important things to a married couple. The first thing money allows is housing. To buy an adequately sized home in a decent, reasonably safe area/ZIP code is important. To have running, functional cars and other transportation matters too to get around. Being able to regularly buy the gas, groceries, and pay the other monthly bills to live needs to be done as well to have a quality of life. And then of course, getting ready for retirement someday is an inevitability. Being able to avoid a few luxuries like some shopping and travel would be nice within reason. So yes, there is a need for money to live. For additional ideas on money and relationships, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/money-and-relationships-139/, https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/money-issues-119/, and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/money-matters-238/.
*Looks: looks are important for several reasons. When we are physically attracted to someone, it ignites and maintains chemistry and connection. It spurs physical and emotional affection. Being attracted to another’s looks is also an important component of infatuation: those feelings of fireworks are largely associated with the beginning of a relationships—but also matter throughout the entire relationship—and are the stuff of legend. A big part of what makes for so much of the enjoyment and thrill of life. Physical attraction breaks people out of “the friendzone” and stirs powerful romance and emotional connection. More ideas on the importance of looks can be found at: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-and-dating-190/, https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-how-much-do-they-matter-23/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67/.
Final Thoughts:
I have heard it said before that “money isn’t everything”, and “looks are only skin deep”. Both true statements. However, to deny the importance of these two issues with dating, relationships, and marriage is to deny reality. The truth is that these are 2 essential areas to look and consider in any relationship. The main rule of thumb I would suggest in this area is the following: don’t overemphasize these things, but don’t underemphasize them either. Remember that these are important things to consider, along with other important relational elements as well.
A decent little rule of thumb you can ask yourself is this: would I recommend a person with these looks and this financial situation to a friend or family member? Also, with all of the elements of a relationship besides looks and money, would I also recommend a person with these other traits to a friend or family member? When you can reasonably say yes to both questions, you may be well on your way to having a great, hopefully eternal relationship. When you consider these practical issues and combine them with how you feel (love, infatuation, emotional connection), all of this together plus prayer can help you get then answers and clarification needed to decide to commit or not to a person. And remember, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-03-20 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).