We read in the well-known scripture the following: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” –I Samuel 16:7. This scripture has implications for singles and dating. Some will look and conclude that these words confirm that “looks don’t matter” or that “looks shouldn’t matter”. Others will look at this scripture and conclude the exact opposite: if “man” (people) are naturally wired to look at and be attracted to the outward appearance, that must be by important purpose and design as well. Hence, physical attraction becomes a key component of dating, relationships, and marriage to help get people together. The truth, in my opinion, is that both factors matter. Looks help to attract another person, whereas being a good quality person (having a good “heart”) helps nurture and sustain a relationship over time, as well as help a person stay in good standing with the Lord.
So, how important should looks be in your dating efforts? In my opinion, looks are important and essential to a moderate (not excessive) degree. Basically, the more you emphasize working on your looks (with diet, exercise, fashion, hair, etc), the more initial dating opportunities you will get. Conversely, the better quality person you are spiritually + how you treat others, the better ability you will have to create, support, and sustain a healthy, happy, long-term committed relationship and marriage. So both factors need to be worked on and developed for relationship success. For further ideas to work on strengthening your spirituality and relationship with the Lord, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/spiritual-standards-in-dating-151/. The rest of this article will focus on ideas to improve your looks, since that is the focus of the article.
Ideas to Improve Looks and Appearance:
*Diet: A healthy diet consists on eating healthy foods, minimizing eating unhealthy foods, and eating to the proper amount, spread over the day. Drinking a lot of water helps as well. The benefits of a healthy diet are many and include losing and then maintaining a healthy lower weight, having attractive skin, nails, and hair, and carrying yourself in a more glowing, healthy fashion. Eating well is a science and can be done best with some research, planning, and strategy. There are many helpful and useful books available with ideas and recipes for healthy eating. A decent resource I recommend for ideas for a healthy diet are The New Abs Diet and The New Abs Diet for Women, both by David Zinczenko.
*Exercise: A regular, moderate exercise routine is important to your body shape, tonality, muscle definition, energy, and health. In addition, healthy exercise supports healthy eating for weight loss and ongoing weight management. The best exercise is the exercise you enjoy and are willing to continue to do. This can include cardiovascular exercise, muscle resistance exercise, sports, and/or living a physically active lifestyle. A good book with useful body weight exercises you may want to check out is Your Body is Your Barbell by BJ Gaddour.
*Fashion: Having a good fashion sense involves knowing what to wear, what to not wear, and how to match and combine your fashion into outfits that are both attractive and fit the occasion. Ideas for this can come from observing fashionable friends and family members, looking at ideas in magazines, online, and at nice clothing stores, and even asking an actual fashion consultant. No need to be excessive here, but your fashion sense is a part of the equation.
*Hair: The style, color, and length of your hair either demonstrates effort and attractiveness, or the opposite. Looking at styles of friends, family members, even TV or movie stars can give you ideas to emulate. Getting opinions from a salonist is a very good idea as well--since this is their profession and they will often have some great ideas for you. This is especially true if you have been going to the same salonist for a while and they already know you and your hair pretty well.
*Flirting: smiling, laughter, and possessing knowledge and skills at flirting definitely will help you look and come across more attractive. If you don’t know how to flirt and/or have fallen out of practice, it might be a good idea for you to spend some time working on this skill. For more ideas and direction for this, I suggest reading the following related article:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/flirting-skills-107/
Final Thoughts:
When it comes to dating, it all matters: what is inside of you as well as what is outside of you. The quality of person you are ends up being far more important than how you look. True. However, looks create and help sustain initial attraction and provide more initial dating opportunities. That matters too. Therefore, as addressed in this article, I recommend that you spend regular, moderate, strategic time working on and maintaining your looks. Give yourself every dating advantage and every possible dating opportunity. You can find and keep a healthy, happy, loving relationship and the effort is worth it. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
P.P.S. Please support our work at Patreon www.patreon.com/ldsdimension
| 2019-11-03 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Healthy relationships, Communication, Health and fitness |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).