This might be the most oft quoted and wrongly applied part of the Holy Bible:
Matthew 7:1-3 King James Version (KJV)
7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
I’m not sure how it is in Evangelical Christian circles, but in LDS circles, people throw around the “judge” word like a horrible insult. “How dare you judge me, you don’t even know me” or “You shouldn’t judge them”, etc., etc. It is often used as a method to shut down discussion when someone isn’t comfortable with where it is going, or to try and guilt you into changing course on a decision. The irony of the people wagging their accusatory finger is that they are in fact judging you that you are judging them, and thus a vicious cycle begins of accusations and finger wagging.
The above verse from Matthew doesn’t mean what people seem to think it means. We need to make judgements all the time. From judging which brand of canned corn to buy, if a movie is appropriate to watch, if we want to drive a destination, to whether someone is a good influence on your child. Life is filled with decisions and judgements every day, it is a part of living an adult life.
What I’ve seen is that people don’t like when their behavior gets them in trouble, so in an attempt to live as consequence free as possible, they start yelling at anyone around them to stop judging them, you aren’t supposed to judge, Jesus said it wasn’t our place to judge. This is a wrong headed way to approach life and interpersonal communication. So what do we do to adjust our perception and communication?
We’re dealing with a couple of different things here. One is being obsessed with judgement, others judging you for example. The other thing is thinking that judging/judgement is a bad thing, which as stated above is you judging someone for judging you. You don’t get to be outraged because others are doing what you are doing.
First, don’t worry about judging, if someone does it to you, then whatever, that is their problem, it isn’t your problem. Then for yourself, if you find yourself constantly finding fault or why someone isn’t as good as you, then you have an issue that you should address. Next time you are ready to fling the J word around, stop for a moment, reflect on what you’re trying to accomplish by doing it, honestly reflect on yourself, your behavior and motivations. You’ll be happier, people around you will be happier, and everyone you interact with will enjoy the experience more. Judgement is not necessarily a bad thing, don’t use it as a weapon.
People sometimes forget that the Joseph Smith translation of Matthew 7:1 is, "judgement not unrighteous judgement, that ye be not judged". So, there is righteous judgement (appropriate, acceptable, sensible) as well as unrighteous judgement, which is the opposite.
| 2016-07-30 | Shawn Gordon | Healthy relationships, Communication, Psychological health |
About the author
I am a founder of this site and as of May 2015 I am happily married to a wonderful LDS woman. I spent my years in the singles system as a singles rep working to optimize events and maximize the effectiveness of people interacting and finding someone to love. I studied psychology for years and my years as a software and business consultant have made me very adept at understanding people and their motivations. I hope to help others find that same happiness that I have.