My first psychotherapy/counseling session was in February, 1997. I was in the Utah State University marriage and family therapy part of my initial master's degree program. Afterward I would go on to San Diego to my clinical psychology doctoral program. From these first therapy sessions those first few years to now all these years later, I have noticed some themes and common challenges, a few of which I’ve decided to share with you in this little article. Hopefully, you will find this information useful. Simply put, individuals and couples tend to have similar challenges and issues. Some of the most common of these presenting issues I hear about regularly in therapy will be reviewed here for your benefit.
Common Issues of Therapy:
*Needing to heal before the next relationship. When a person has been in numerous previous relationships or even marriages, it is common and understandable to feel “snakebitten”—feeling scarred, hurt, and hesitant to risk getting hurt again in the next relationship. Previous pains and relationship failures often lead a person to need to be single for a while before putting oneself out there again. This is understandable to a reasonable degree. When this solo period is productive and constructive, this is a time of healing, gaining courage, and collecting confidence to try again.
Reference articles for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/snake-bitten-150/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/getting-ready-for-another-relationship-111/
*Communication and conflict resolution. Both singles and couples commonly express past and present frustrations and failures in the area of communication and conflict resolution. These challenges include a need to express oneself assertively in a way the other can best receive, as well as learning how to listen more effectively to another person. These challenges can extend beyond couple relationships and include work relationships, friends and family, and even strangers as well.
Reference articles for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/different-ways-men-and-women-communicate-206/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/assertive-communication-skills-162/
*Depression, anxiety, and other personal emotional/psychological issues and challenges. These challenges are common in both singles and those in relationships. In any event, it is a good idea to address and improve these issues in preparation for any future relationship, as such personal challenges commonly interfere with or even threaten relationships that otherwise could have possibly survived and even thrived.
Reference articles for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/being-happy-and-healthy-303/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/being-happy-and-healthy-302/
*Religious issues: clients often mention having crises of faith—difficulties with their testimonies of God and whatever religion they affiliate with. Commonly, when life and times become most difficult, people either draw nearer to God and lean on him, or they stray from God and question their religious ideas. When this is a challenge for a client—whatever their religious ideology—I recommend they work through these issues to a decent degree before beginning their next relationship. Otherwise this crisis of faith can act as a wedge for their next relationship.
Reference article for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/assessing-spirituality-232/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/spiritual-standards-in-dating-151/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/are-we-spiritually-compatible-27/
*Money/job/career issues: many struggle with financial stresses and work stress. Either their job is stressful, they are having difficulties making ends meet and paying bills, or some combination of both. Sometimes the job duties are especially difficult, and other times the difficulty relates to dealing with a difficult boss or other coworkers. These issues are important to address because money and work stress commonly seeps over to personal relationships which then also become strained.
Reference articles for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/is-it-me-or-the-money-311/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/money-matters-238/
*Weight/looks/health issues: there are a lot of challenges for people to look a certain way because of the pressures from modern society. These issues include weight issues, insecurities with looks, and difficulties with self-care including eating, sleeping, exercise, and hygiene. Such issues often require support, encouragement, and understanding as people commit to collecting their motivation and improving life habits and improved attitudes as needed.
Reference articles for more information on this topic:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/emotional-eating-344/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/weight-loss-ideas-329/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/being-healthy-229/
Final Thoughts:
Some issues are common and need to be addressed as you approach your next relationship. Whatever you need to address and work through, please do so proactively, consistently, and immediately. The sooner you improve in the areas needed, the sooner you will be able to have and flourish in your next relationship. Working on your issues can occur in therapy, as well as through self-help resources (videos, audios, books), and/or through classes or groups.
Working on yourself is investing in yourself, your health, and your happiness. Remember the old saying: if it is to be, it’s up to me. If you are willing to identify and work regularly towards whatever improvements needed for yourself and your life, you will benefit greatly from your dedication and efforts. Things probably won’t improve on their own. So please go to work on yourself now and do so regulalry. You will be glad you did, along with your future spouse. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com
| 2023-05-15 | Randy Gilchrist | Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).