In church circles, being single can be a frustrating situation. Finding that special someone to date and hopefully marry (ideally in the temple, ideally sooner versus later) can be especially challenging. Many good, high quality men and women who are basically active and worthy in the church can still find themselves single. This single status can often go on for years, decades, perhaps for the rest of their mortal lives. Why is this? Is this because such singles are “not worthy of love”? Is it because God has forgotten them and/or feels some need to punish them? No. That isn’t really the way it works.
Is it because God wants certain people to be single? Probably not. In fact, for most people in most situations, your Father in Heaven wants you to date, marry, and have an eternal companion. Except for extreme exceptions, I would default to that conclusion that he wants dating and marriage success for you. It is how things were set up from the beginning, how things are meant to be. In the Bible we read,
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him…And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”—Genesis 2:18, 21-24
“Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11
Ideas to Increase Your Dating Opportunities:
You have now been reminded that the Lord wants you to date and marry (or at least make regular efforts in that direction). So, what can you do to increase your odds and chances for dating success? First, let’s use the metaphor of fishing. If you are fishing and not even getting a nibble or a bite, there is a need to chance your tactics. First, you can use better bait. Then, you can also find a better, more stocked part of the pond to do your fishing. Success in the dating world is not really any different. If you are not having the success you desire, please change your approach. The dating world has often been called a “meat market”, and indeed it is—both inside the church and out. It is a game of sorts. Please just accept that. You just need to get better, wiser, and more strategic at the game to win. The Lord probably isn’t going to be a spousal delivery service and will expect you to hunt, fish, search, adjust, adapt, and succeed. To stretch yourself. So here are some ideas to get you going and succeed (in no particular order):
*Work to look your best. Physical attraction matters. We are naturally attracted to certain looks and body types more than others. Diet/nutrition, exercise, fashion, makeup, etc., can make a large difference. No one needs to look like a model or like an impossible ideal, just the best you can be. Improve. Accentuate (modestly). If you aren’t sure what attractive ideal looks look like, read my previous article, “Universal Beauty Indicators” at: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67/.
*Work to be more approachable. People who smile more, maintain a positive attitude, and keep an open body language show a message of greater approachability. Conversely, those who often look stern or upset, those who complain more and act more negative, and those keeping more closed body language send a message that they are less approachable, even unapproachable. For more indicators on becoming more approachable and being more aware of your first impressions, I recommend the book First Impressions by Valerie White and Ann Demarias.
*Work to act nicer and improve your communication skills. How you talk to, listen to, and treat people matters. Often this can be a matter of communication and other interpersonal skills, along with overall empathy, sensitivity, and consideration. For additional ideas on communication skills training, I recommend the classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I also recommend these previous articles:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/non-verbal-communication-123/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/communication-no-nos-the-4-horsemen-117/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/breaking-out-of-introversion-133/
*Improve your flirting skills. Practice, sharpen, and employ better flirting skills Smile, joke, tease, touch (appropriately), give compliment, etc. If you need help with this, I recommend the book Flirting for Dummies by Elizabeth Clark as well as this article: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/flirting-skills-107/
*Increase your pool of dating prospects. Sometimes depending on where you live, there may not be many single church members in your area. Numbers and opportunities matter. In those cases, there are several options to overcome this challenge. You can broaden how far you are willing to travel to go to singles activities, you can find ways to date long distance, and/or you may eventually choose to move to an area with more local singles like Utah, Idaho, or Arizona. Also, consider reading this article: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/where-to-find-your-next-relationship-96/
Final Thoughts
None of these changes are easy, but each of the changes reviewed in this article will definitely increase your chances of finding someone to date, as well as making the dates you have be more likely to lead to marriage. Just go to work on this consistently and persistently at a pace you can maintain. You can have dating and marital success. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11
Sincerely,
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2019-01-28 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Communication |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).