When a relationship works, the reason given is often that the couple is a “good match”. However, what does that really mean? And when a relationship doesn’t work and it is described as “not being a match”, what does that mean as well? In this article, two main types of lobsided relationship matches will be discussed, as well as what is needed for the future health and wellbeing of a relationship.
Healthy Matches:
A healthy match is a relationship where partners basically treat each other with kindness, respect, and decency. A healthy relationship is also a good practical match where the partners fit each other well in a practical way. Meaning, on paper, both partners positive practical attributes basically line up well with each other. These traits include broader life things like religious and political similarities and compatibility. Other healthy traits involve compatible ideas and approaches with a further variety of important life subjects. These subjects include things kids, economics, careers, education, long range goals, and so on. In short, a healthy match means the two partners both treat each other well and have enough similarities and practical compatibilities that give stability and security to the relationship and help both partners get along better. A healthy match feels “easy” and makes logical sense to themselves and others.
Natural Matches:
A natural match in a relationship is one where there is strong chemistry, attraction, and spark together. In addition, a natural match involves personalities that naturally complement each other and feel right based upon personalities, backgrounds, comfort, and familiarity. Often in natural matches, a spouse is similar to one of their parents and their partner is pretty similar to their other parent. Therefore, a natural match comfortably “feels right”, is exciting, and the partners see each other as attractive, connective, and powerfully magnetic. Note: a natural match does not necessarily include it being a healthy match, but it “feels right” in a strong way.
The goal in picking: find a combination of both:
The problems in relationships generally come from choosing a partner for a relationship and marriage that are strong in one of these ways but are weak in the other. If a partner is a strong healthy match but a weak natural match, the two will get along well but there will be little if any physical and sexual chemistry and spark. Sex lives with such couples tend to quickly cool off after the initial infatuation calms down. Soon enough, such relationships become sexless and feel like more of a roommate situation—boring, practical, platonic. In the friendzone. So even if two people work well practically on paper, this has little to do with whether or not a spark and connection will result.
Conversely, if a relationship is predominantly based on a natural match, the result is usually a hot and heavy physical relationship that may border on obsessive. Fireworks, excitement, passion, spark, and chemistry will be the result. However, over time, practical differences between the two will show themselves. Fighting and/or distancing will commonly result because after the sex and affection is over, the two people still need to be able to deal with each other and navigate real life and responsibilities.
In short, healthy matches give stability, security, and practicality to the relationship. Natural matches give spice, interest, connection, and excitement to the relationship. Therefore, the best matches include a balance of both healthy and natural elements for happiness and longevity. A relationship can either be killed through conflict (common in natural match-based relationships) or starved through distance and boredom (common in healthy match-based relationships). As a metaphor, if a relationship is a cookie, the cookie dough and other main ingredients are the healthy ingredients and the sugar and salt are the natural elements of the cookie. If a cookie has no spice in it, it is bland and not edible. If all the cookie is, is just the spice, there is no cookie to eat. Put them together and you have very good, balanced cookie. Therefore, all of the ingredients are necessary to put it all together. So please look for and choose a relationship that is a combo of both healthy and natural.
Final Thoughts:
Again, unhappy relationships are either lopsided towards unhealthy or unnatural. A balanced relationship has an adequate amount of both. So therefore, please look for both elements and show both elements as reasonably possible. If you look for both and require enough of both, you can have longevity and happiness in your relationship. If you don’t look for both and are lacking one or even both elements in your relationship, you will probably be unhappy and be on the road towards a future divorce. If you do look for both, your chances for marital success are greatly higher than if you don’t. And remember that, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2024-04-06 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).