One of the hardest aspects of the dating world is when you face rejection: someone deciding they are not interested in and do not want to date you (or no longer want to date you). It is very easy to take the rejection hard and take it personally. We often wonder why we were truly rejected. Because often the one rejected either gives no explanation (they “ghost” you), gives a false explanation, or only gives a partial explanation (where there is “more to the story”). Occasionally the rejecting person actually does give a full, honest answer for why they are rejecting you—although that can sometimes be hard to trust. In any event, learning that the person you were interested in and hopeful build a relationship with has declined the opportunity hurts and is frustrating. “No thanks”, they say. “I do not want to go out with you anymore”. So how can you not take that personally? How can you best handle the pain?
Ideas and Suggestions to Handle Rejection:
*Consider any notable mistakes you may have made. If you did make any reasonable mistakes, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just note what you did (or failed to do) and use this as a learning experience. Make a mental note of what happened and how you will approach a similar situation like this in the future in a better or different way. Be kind and patient with yourself. Putting yourself down over it will not help. You live and you learn. Consider this a valuable experience and move on.
*Consider any notable mistakes they may have made: it is not uncommon for the other person to reject or break up with you because of problems or issues from their end. And sometimes in response to their issues or problems they may do a pre-emptive action and decide to not want to date you, for fear that later you would be the one rejecting them (because of their issues). If this is the case, consider it a blessing and a favor that they rejected you before you had to break up with them in the near future. Consider this a “bullet dodged” and time and hassle saved.
*Consider how you and the other person may have been a mismatch: a common and understandable reason you can be rejected by another person is when you and them have some kind of notable mismatch together. It isn’t personal, there are just some notable ways that make it difficult for both of your lives to comfortably and naturally match together. Such issues that could create such mismatches include notably different ages, background differences, kid issues, previous marriages/relationship history that interferes, PTSD in one or both partners (requiring the need for therapy), someone being emotionally unavailable due to previous relationship scars, geographical distance that can’t be adequately maneuvered, height issues that bothers one partner, financial or educational issues/challenges/differences, and any number of other potential issues.
*Grass is greener effect: sometimes you may be rejected not because there was necessarily wrong with you or a relationship with you. Instead, perhaps someone thought they could do better and they have moved on to someone else they think would be better for them. If that is the case, just move on as soon as possible. A person with a wandering eye holding the belief that “they can do better” would be a hard person to please and satisfy. Such people are usually “high maintenance” in a relationship. Just move on from such people and consider it a bullet dodged. Because after all, who would want to be with someone who was always in a state of comparing and sizing you up with other people? Such individuals are also a risk of cheating on you in the future as well. So, be happy these situations didn’t work out.
*Mixed or confusing signals: sometimes rejections happen because somewhere along the way the other person did not understand that you were really interested (or still interested), so they rejected you before you had a chance to reject them. If the other thinks you aren’t really that into them, they may prefer to reject you first before you have a chance to hurt them. Therefore, to minimize the risk of this happening to you, please be clear and consistent with your interest in others you want a relationship with. Do not play games or give mixed/confusing signals. If you play hard to get you could lose out on relationship chances. Remember: in the same way that you don’t like to get rejected, neither do they.
Final Thoughts:
The better that you can understand and maneuver yourself through rejection during your search, the sooner you will find yourself in a mutually happy and lasting relationship. If they reject you for any reason, don’t chase them or demand an explanation. You probably won’t get a full and honest answer anyway, just more hurt. Just try to decipher which one or more conditions from above seem most likely, learn from the situation, and move on. You will eventually find someone if you keep trying, you learn, and you make strategic adjustments along the way. Don’t allow periodic rejection to cripple your search. Keep trying and success will be yours. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2020-08-03 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).