Divorce, rejection, disappointment, frustration, break ups, ghosting…it all hurts. It is all painful to experience for singles looking for relationships, both in and out of the church. Therefore, I think it is understandable for anyone to consider giving up and quitting the dating and relationships altogether. To give up would allow the hurt and the frustration to end, right? Well, kind of. Yes, the risk of rejection and frustration would end. But would the pain end? No, only what the pain is about would just change. The pain instead would shift towards loneliness and the frustration of goals, hopes, and dreams not materializing. In addition, there is also the unfortunate stigma and attitude singles commonly relate experiencing in the church experience due to the obvious though often unspoken bias of marrieds versus singles.
Suggestions Instead of Giving Up:
So instead of just giving up on dating and relationships, I would like to offer a few other ideas to consider instead. Because giving up when it involves something highly important is not a good option. Because then we know for sure it won’t work out, unless your future mr. or mrs. right kicks down your door, finds you in your home, and makes it happen from there. I suppose there are some fortunate situations where love and relationships do seemingly find a person. But most of the rest of the time there is a need for the single person to keep trying, working, and making efforts. Here are some alternative suggestions instead of giving up:
*Read some encouraging scriptures about hope, faith, and receiving blessings. I like the scripture below. Even though the subject is about temple work, I feel the attitude and approach below is useful to take with any good, true, and worthwhile gospel principle or endeavor—including looking for an eternal marriage. And remember, eternal marriage is a temple ordinance.
Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into singing. Let the dead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the King Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to redeem them out of their prison; for the prisoners shall go free. Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid brocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!
--Doctrine & Covenants 128:22-23
Also, this quote from President Monson can apply to efforts made in dating and relationships, even though the original subject matter is about callings and service. In a sense, we are all called to search for and experience a temple marriage, so this idea below can apply.
“Remember that this work is not yours and mine alone. It is the Lord’s work, and when we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help. Remember that whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.”
--President Thomas S. Monson, Duty Calls, October, 1996
*Take periodic breaks:
In addition to keeping spirits high and continuing to work at dating and relationships, pace yourself at a rate of efforts that will be sustainable over time for as long as necessary. If you need to take a few days or a week or longer off and away from social effort, fine. Rejuvenate and replenish yourself. Prepare to re-enter the fray as you receive strength and hope. Do not give into despair. Work to make any needed adjustments and then, persevere. Remember that success = perseverance + adjustments.
Things you can do to refresh and rejuvenate yourself include personal hobbies, improvements with your diet and exercise, spending time with friends or other family members, and so on. If you think of dating as a race, too fast of a pace will burn you out, but too slow of a pace will lead you to never get to the finish line.
*Clear out hangups: whatever your personal issues, hangups, or problems to successful dating and relationships may be, please work regularly to clear out these roadblocks. I suggest going to the article database and look up and incorporate ideas from my many previous articles, addressing all of the areas I could think of to help singles just like you. Be proactive and work at these things. The address is: www.ldsdimension.com/articles.
Final Thoughts:
Giving up is not a good plan. We are on this earth to succeed. To work, try, make efforts. Whether your relational success will happen sooner, later, or even in the next life, please keep trying. Make any needed adjustments and put yourself in the best position to succeed. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2023-08-13 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).