One interesting challenge I’ve noticed with many single women both in and out of the church is the difficulty it can be letting a guy know they are interested in him. Many women have complained to me over the years that they feel they have made their interest in a man clearly known, yet he often still misses the signs. That the signs, signals, cues, and clues she has sent him are “obvious” in her opinion, yet rarely does he seem to notice, let alone act of these signs. So why is that? What is going on there?
From my experience, there are 2 likely possibilities. First, perhaps he did notice the signs of interest, but he didn’t act on the signs because perhaps he is not interested, not available, or has other reasons he doesn’t want to act at that time. Second, he simply didn’t notice or he didn’t interpret whatever signs you sent as signs of interest. In this case, perhaps the signs were too subtle, nuanced, vague, and/or were contradictory and confusing with other signs that might have sent a different message at a different time. For instance, if you seemed to send a message to “leave me alone” or “don’t approach me” at another time, this could be a problem. In any event, this article will attempt to help you effectively showing a guy you are interested. Where he does or doesn’t then take that message from there will be up to him. If he is open, interested, and willing, he will act from there and get to know you better, even perhaps ask you out. If he isn’t open, interested back, and willing, at least you will then know that for sure and you can then move on. Is it worth the risk? Usually, sure. After all like the old saying goes, “nothing venture, nothing gained”.
Ideas to let him know you are interested:
*First, briefly assess if he seems to have some possible interest in you. How does he look at you? Has he approached you yet? Talked to you? How did that exchange go? Does he seem to be sending interested vibes and messages himself? How much of an interest does he seem to have in you? Remember that physical attraction is usually the first thing noticed, and we guys tend to be very visually oriented. If he keeps looking at you, that’s usually a pretty good sign. So if you sense, guess, feel, or assume he has some kind of initial interest in you, that can embolden you to act and give you the confidence and assurance to proceed. That you have a decent chance at that point of success with him. This little assessment can be very helpful.
*Be demonstrative. Show your interest in him through tactfully looking at him, smiling a lot, laughing at his jokes, showing warmth, being positive, and overall giving good energy. There are all signs that alone maybe aren’t enough to show interest, but these efforts at the very least “slick the tracks” for more, additional effort. This can also not only involve looks and statements, but also appropriate (yet flirty) touching: hugs, play boxing, back scratches, pats, caresses, whatever. Touching done well and when he is receptive can definitely kick start something.
*When talking to him, ask about him and take a patient, interested approach to listening to him open up. If you can get a man to open up about himself like this, he will likely not only enjoy the conversation, but start to realize interest. A women who asks a man a lot of questions and looks and acts patient and interested in return with whatever he says is showing interest.
*Find an excuse to give him your cell phone number. While talking about mutual interests or experiences, see if there is a tactful way to send him a text showing ____ (whatever thing you can create an excuse to send him). This could be a link somewhere, an image of something you and he were talking about, whatever. The important thing is that by you texting him, he now has you phone number. Maybe he will start using it?
*Finally, after talking about mutual interest, hobbies, or other ideas, if things are going well, ask him/offer to hang out and do ____ together sometime. For instance, you can say something like, “well hey, we should get together sometime and do ____”. Or, “I would love to go do _____. Maybe we can go sometime”. And of course, you can always be even more direct and to the point and say, “would you like to go to/do _____ with me?” Play it by ear.
Final Thoughts: In the aftermath of the #metoo movement, guys can potentially get into trouble being too quick to notice and act on subtle signs of interest from women. Therefore, you made need to take some stronger action to demonstrate and show interest in him before he feels safe enough to act. Such are the time we are living in. Still, working on this is worth it. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-05-22 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding men, Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).