by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
A singles ward is by definition, a different kind of a ward. Devoid of crying babies and young children, a singles ward is theoretically set up to do two things: 1) provide a greater opportunity for single and active LDS members to meet, socialize, date, and hopefully marry, and 2) for those who feel more comfortable around fellow singles, provide a church experience to preserve their activity (which can sometimes be a challenge when not feeling comfortable or accepted in a family ward). So, because a singles ward is very different than a family ward, learning how to fit in and thrive in such arena can be a challenge.
Some common complaints about singles wards often include the following: 1) "it's a meat market (and/or) I can't feel the spirit as well there", 2) "there is a lot of gossip/backbiting/drama", 3) "there is no one there that I am interested in, just the same old people", 4) "the activities are boring/not what I like to do", 5) "there are far more women than men", and 6) "the people I like, don't like me back and the people who like me, I don't like". While some of the validity of these complaints and criticisms depend on the particular ward and the members of that ward, the rest will depend upon the person themselves. All wards have their issues, you can just make the best of it that you can. So…
To make the best of your singles ward experience, here are a few suggestions:
1) Attend 3 hours of church each week, Family Home Evening, and as many of the other singles ward activities as you can. The more exposure people have to you, the warmer they become and the easier it can be to make friends.
2) As much as possible, keep a positive, optimistic attitude. This will be far more attractive than a scowl or being a complainer. Remember that a lot of the how well your experience goes at the singles ward will be up to you, and you will often find what you are looking for, positively or negatively.
3) Be friendly, smile, and chat with others as much as reasonably possible when the opportunities present themselves. Take it upon yourself to be the one to approach others, versus waiting for others to approach you. Be the friendly person you hope others to be, and other friendly people will soon manifest themselves.
For more ideas on how to do this, I recommend reading or listening to the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, as well as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray (to also assist you in understanding and navigating gender differences the best you can).
4) Get involved and have fun. Be a joiner, a doer, and make the best of all of your social opportunities. Be as magnetic as possible. Attract, rather than repel others.
5) Keep a good standing in the church (scriptures, prayer, church attendance, temple worthiness, etc.). When others feel the spirit from you, barriers, differences, and tension lessen and positive connections form.
6) Have fun and display as much positive energy as possible.
7) Go on group dates/outings as much as possible, but go on individual dates as a priority when they become available. Get out. Have fun. Organize such things as much as possible when you are getting positive, welcoming reactions from others. And remember, you will have a much better chance to get engaged and married dating individually that in groups, although groups can be a good way to start.
Conclusion:
Since a primary reason that singles wards exist is to help bring LDS singles together and provide an opportunity to meet, date, and marry, please have that as a goal for yourself as well. If you aren’t feeling the spirit as well as you'd like at your singles ward and/or have other complaints, you might want to consider adding going to a family ward as well on Sundays, even if just for part of it, versus dropping the singles ward altogether. It makes for a long Sunday, but at least you won't be losing out on social opportunities along the way that the singles ward offers.
Enjoy this time in your life, don't resent it. And when social opportunities present themselves, please go for it. Take a chance. Why not put yourself out on a limb? That's where all of the good fruit is. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
**To readers: to submit a question to Dr. G for a future Q and A column, please send your questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Also, please register for a free account at www.ldsdimension.com for access to previous and future Dr. G articles.
| 2017-05-01 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).