by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)
Being single in the LDS community can be a lot of things. Hopefully, happy and enjoyable is what you will make it. Is everyone supposed to get married at some point? Yes, basically. However, until that occurs, what life will you lead and what kind of quality of life will you possess until that point? That is mainly up to you.
In my psychotherapy office, I commonly have seen many mid singles share stories of depression, self-esteem issues, anxiety, even anger, bitterness, and resentment. I get the frustration, but it doesn't have to be that way. One of the biggest challenges I try to help people with is the difficulty in living as happy and as healthy a life as possible, even though _____ hasn't occurred yet in their life. Besides waiting on marriage, other things that people can use as reasons to put their happiness on hold is needing to find the new/better job, needing to finish college, needing to lose weight, needing to own property, getting out of debt, etc. I ask them, "why are you putting your happiness on hold until these things happen?" I'll often get a response like, "well, I'm just trying to motivate myself to help get to that point." However, is putting your happiness on hold until _____ happens (commonly, marriage) a good motivator for positive change (or a good idea in general)? No.
There will always be a potential reason you can give yourself to delay your health and happiness. If you get married, then maybe a new reason beyond that could be created. So please, instead of putting your happiness on hold, find as many ways and opportunities until you get married to live the most happy, enjoyable, fulfilling life that you can until then. And then after marriage, of course, work to do the same things. All seasons in life have their ups and downs, their positives and their negatives. Singlehood can be for the most part a challenging yet positive time. However, it may require choices and commitments to make sure that is the case.
TBS (or is it TNT?) owns the rights to the movie The Shawshank Redemption, which they play over and over and which I've seen a number of times. When Red (Morgan Freeeman) is let out of prison after many decades, he struggles to acclimate to the real world and even contemplates suicide. He faces a decision: to "get busy living or get busy dying". Fortunately, Red decided to live, in spite of the challenges and limitations he faced. I encourage everyone else to do the same.
Making the Most of Your Single Years
Here are some ideas to help promote health, happiness, and positive growth during your single years:
*Exercise: join a gym, a workout group, a sports recreation league, or whatever form of exercise you are willing to do and enjoy. Regular exercise will help shrink depression, stress, and anxiety, will increase your health and energy, and will improve your weight and looks.
*Eating healthy: eating small, quality meals spaced throughout the day will fire up your metabolism, even your mood, and increase your daily energy. It will help you lose weight if needed, and will help you feel alive. A good research-based book to help with both healthy eating and exercise that I recommend is "The New Abs Diet" or "The New Abs Diet for Women" by David Zinczenko (main editor of Men's Health magazine).
*Establish a good, regular sleep routing. Go to bed at a good, reasonable hour. wake up reasonably early for about 8 hours of sleep. Good sleep with be a great support to your energy, health, and mood.
*Develop and improve your education and/or career. Take classes, add degrees, certificates, licenses, and other credentials. Do something new if needed. Earn more money, develop greater job security and income potential when working outside the home. Work hard. Balance work with your children (if you have any). Care for both the best you can.
*Get out of the house and enjoy life. Whether by yourself or with others, get out and do fun things. Take up active hobbies, travel, do service for others, and overall, be productive and live life. Take classes, develop your mind, and expand your horizons. Avoid being reclusive and staying too long hanging out in your apartment or house. Life is out there to be lived. Try new things. Be active. Get out of your comfort zone. Go out and do.
*Make and keep good friendships with quality people. Treat others with civility, respect, and kindness. Surround yourself with others that will treat you likewise. Organize activities with them. Be more of a ringleaders. Be the one to get people together. Go out and do fun things together.
*Continue to work at being the best church member you can be. Regularly attend church, read scriptures and other quality church materials, pray, fulfill your callings, and attend the temple (or work to getting a recommend).
Final Thoughts
Life is meant to be lived. That is why we are here. If you find yourself single again and/or for a long stretch or time, don't wait to live. Live now. And remember, a person actively living and enjoying life in these ways will not only enjoy life more and be healthier and happier today, but they will be more attractive to others and increase their chances for dating and marriage success. It's all worth it until marriage happens, and then afterwards as well. Be the kind of person you wish to meet and marry. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Sincerely,
Dr. G
**To readers: to submit a question to Dr. G for a future Q and A column, please send your questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Also, please register for a free account at www.ldsdimension.com for access to previous and future Dr. G articles.
| 2017-04-06 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Healthy relationships |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).