Dating today has often been called “dead”. Many frustrated singles have given up on dating altogether, or at least take breaks for long periods of time. Others prefer instead to “hang out” or “hook up” (and be physical/sexual) without dating or having a relationship in any formal way. In the 2020s and beyond, with the world of social media, online dating, and other technological advances, we have been accustomed to immediate gratification, quick fixes, and the illusion that we can always do better than whomever is in front of us. People have been reduced to looks and are often treated as a fast-food item to swipe past as one looks for the next better thing. The result: dating and the healthy relationship development of the past is taking a pounding today. Many traditional norms—dating and otherwise—have lessened or disappeared altogether. These changes were foretold as a part of the tumultuous events and times of the latter days. These disturbing trends impact both single members and non-members alike:
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
--I Timothy 4:1-3
So, if you still want to date and find a relationship and spouse today, what do you do? Here are a few suggestions:
Tips to Date Today:
*Let others know you are interested in dating. Be open about it. In your online profile and as appropriate in your face-to-face interactions, you can let it be known you are a more traditional person. Share your mutual interest in wholesome activities and that you are interested in dating and an eventual relationship and marriage with the right person. Also, let it be known you are not interested in hook ups. At all. Yes, this is important to share in member dating. Do not assume the other has the same standards as you. Find out quickly and decide from there accordingly.
If others are not interested in the same traditional things as you, they will filter themselves out. This is a benefit to you so you don’t waste time on a person without potential. If they leave you when your standards are known, that is fine too. Good riddance. Upward, onward. No need to waste time with people who are not interested in you. This is a truth in advertising approach. Obviously when face-to-face, don’t jump to these subjects too soon, but tactfully work these ideas into conversations as soon as it's appropriate.
*Talk about dating and relationships. As you get to know people, discuss what you like, want, and need: namely with traditional dating and relationships. This includes discussions of fun (and wholesome) things to do together. Keep discussions more centered on getting to know the other person, learning about them, sharing interests, etc. Steer away from highly sexual discussions. Do this not only to keep the law of chastity, but also to show what your main emphasis will be and won’t be during your time spent together. People who want the same things will gladly join you accordingly. Others who only want a sexual thing or have some other ulterior motive will usually go away quickly.
*Keep the law of chastity. If you tell another person you are traditional, have gospel standards, and that you keep the law of chastity—but then you go on to break it with them—your standards will no longer be taken seriously or be respected. Of course, keeping the law of chastity is essential for your own spiritual progression and betterment as well. So, please keep your standards. For more ideas and tips on keeping the law of chastity while dating, see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/keeping-the-law-of-chastity-while-dating-156/.
*Ask and/or agree to date. When someone is open to dating you and they seem to possess good potential for a relationship/marriage, please go out together. Date. Give it a try. Accept their invitation or ask the other out yourself. Have a “go for it” attitude. If you are truly serious about dating and wanting a relationship and marriage, it requires some calculated risk. Getting out of your comfort zone. Trying. So if you are “pro-dating”, show it. Do it. Stop hiding and avoiding.
Final Thoughts:
In spite of the current anti-dating and relationship climate in society, you can buck the trend. You can be pro-dating, relationships, and marriage. You can also keep the law of chastity. Hopefully, the ideas in this little article can help you along the way. Just remember, you only need 1 good person with similar values and priorities to commit to and share your life and eternity with. Remember that dating, relationships, and marriage are the Lord’s way. From Isaiah: For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2022-03-05 | Randy Gilchrist | Dating, Communication |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).