One of the best things about being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is how we are led, guided, and directed by modern day prophets and modern revelation. Over the many years of restoration, much guidance has been given to the single members. I am sure I could create 100s of articles with this title that review quality dating and relationship-oriented quotes for singles. In this little article I will review some good quotes I am aware of, along with a few thoughts on the subject. Remember the scripture, “What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” (Doctrine & Covenants 1:38).
General Authority Quotes on Dating and Relationships:
The Importance of loyalty and fidelity:
“The crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Thoughts: if you cannot trust who with to be loyal and faithful to you, move on.
The natural fading of excitement:
“One of my favorite newspaper columnists is Jenkin Lloyd Jones. In a recent article published in the News, he commented: ‘There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks, to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear, the divorce courts are jammed. Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …Life is like an old-time rail journey — delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.’”
Gordon B. Hinckley
Thoughts: The excitement, infatuation, and butterflies of the beginning of a relationship fade and it naturally turns into more of a friendship. Don’t mistake this for the need to end an otherwise good relationship.
The idea of a soul mate is fiction:
“Soul mates’ are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
Spencer W. Kimball
Thoughts: the mutual commitment both need to treat each other well and be committed to the gospel is what makes for the best compatibility.
People who look good on paper are not necessarily good in a relationship:
“One of the grand errors we tend to make when we are young is supposing that a person is a bundle of qualities, and we add up the individual’s good and bad qualities, like a bookkeeper working on debits and credits. If the balance is favorable, we may decide to take the jump (into marriage). … The world is full of unhappy men and women who married because … it seemed to be a good investment. Love, however, is not an investment; it is an adventure. And when marriage turns out to be as dull and comfortable as a sound investment, the disgruntled party soon turns elsewhere. …Ignorant people are always saying, ‘I wonder what he sees in her [or him],’ not realizing that what he [or she] sees in her [or him] (and what no one else can see) is the secret essence of love.”
Gordon B. Hinckley
Thoughts: this is why spending actual time together and building something together in real life is essential. People good on paper may or may not make for a good relationship. Also, again, people need to not give up on a relationship because the excitement eases.
Find a person who brings out the best in you spiritually:
“Now, brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of a mate. Do not be so particular that you overlook her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in Zion, and supporting you in your priesthood responsibilities. Of course, she should be attractive to you….And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?”
Ezra Taft Benson
Thoughts: consider the person’s spirituality (or lack thereof) as a very important trait and quality when choosing a spouse, along with looks. Both matter.
Eternal marriage is available to all of the faithful eventually:
“For various reasons, marriage and children are not immediately available to all. Perhaps no offer of marriage is forthcoming. Perhaps even after marriage there is an inability to have children. Or perhaps there is no present attraction to the opposite gender. Whatever the reason, God’s richest blessings will eventually be available to all of His children if they are clean and faithful.”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Thoughts: endure to the end and keep working and trying for eternal marriage. Stay worthy and faithful. If you do eternal marriage will eventually work out in this life or it will be an available blessing to you in the next life.
Do not be with a verbally abusive person:
“In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor.”
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Thoughts: no matter what other positive attributes a person may have, it will not make up for the character deficiency of being verbally abusive. If someone treats you like this, move on.
Dating is still the best way to start and develop a relationship:
“Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to ‘shop around’ in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out.”
Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Thoughts: Just hanging out in groups, texting, or video chatting alone isn’t enough. To really cultivate a relationship, date. Spend actual real life, physical time together. There is no other adequate substitute.
Final Thoughts:
Look to the modern-day prophets for excellent guidance, support, and direction with dating, relationships, and marriage. They are the literal mouthpieces of the Lord. When you follow their guidance, you will have much more success, health, and happiness than through following any other path. Successful dating and relationships are possible. Follow the guidance of these prophets for the best success. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:1.
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2023-01-14 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).