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Selfishness in RelationshipsSelfishness is a large problem today in relationships and marriages, both in and out of the church. We live in a selfish, me-me-me, immediate gratification society. This selfishness is promoted in all segments of society today, including: TV, movies, social media, and many other parts of the internet. In this article, I am going to give several general authority quotes that clarify how selfishness and narcissism need to be lessened, while empathy, consideration, and giving are needed instead to
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Being Optimistic vs PessimisticIn today’s dating and relationship world, it is very understandable why someone would choose to be more cynical, negative, and discouraged instead of optimistic, positive, and hopeful. However, it’s up to you which of these options will be your primary approach to the opposite sex and relationships. According to Google, being optimistic is defined as being “hopeful and confident about the future”; with optimists “…seeing the positive side of things. They expect things to turn out well. They
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Man and Woman—Enemies?In earlier articles I reviewed the history and general idea of traditional feminism versus feminity (see: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/feminism-versus-masculinity-110/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/valuing-femininity-114/). In short, the original idea of 1970s feminism was supposed to be about equality, women being treated respectfully, and women not being treated as sex objects. However, modern feminism today has morphed away from many of these early ideals into obsessive
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Men and Women—Why the Animosity?It is interesting. I have been doing psychotherapy with individuals, couples, and families since 1997. Over these many years I have seen numerous trends and developments, some good and some not so good. One trend that I would say has gone from bad to worse is the general relationships today between men and women. With each passing month and year, it seems the general animosity, resentment, suspicion, blame, and misunderstanding between both sides has gotten worse and worse. Why is this and what
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Cats, Dogs, and RelationshipsWhat do different pets say about their owners? It’s true that owners of different pets tend to have certain traits that would make them a match for such an animal. In other words, the choice of animal a person makes gives you some insight into the individual: their personality, their outlook on life, what they are interested in, and so on. An important element of relationships is the need for new people to be sharp and effective new relationship detectives. The sooner you find out what the
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Lessons from Adam and EveHave you ever wondered why Adam and Eve were chosen to be the first man and woman for Earth? Why were these particular people chosen to have the first marriage and to be the first to populate the planet? What was it about these two? Well in my opinion, these two were chosen because they were special, obedient, faithful people who could be trusted and counted on to effectively start the human race in an appropriate, successful manner. In this little article, some scriptures from Adam and Eve
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Reasons for DivorceRoughly 50%+ of all marriages result in divorce, with divorces among member couples approaching the rates of the national norm. Knowing why divorces commonly happen can be helpful to be aware of. This way, ideally, you can address, compromise, and work through these issues before they evolve into a true crisis and an eventual divorce. There is an old saying: kill the monster while it is small. Not when it has grown to the size of Godzilla or King Kong. Other applicable sayings here: nip it in
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Successful Vacations TogetherWhy write an article on going on successful vacations together for the singles community? Because when you get married (or married again), vacations will be an important part of your lives together. As you know, some vacations are wonderful, positive experiences together, whereas others can be described as “disasters”. What makes for a positive, successful trip/vacation together? This article will review several useful tips, tools, and suggestions to do so. Traveling together really can reveal
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Following Through with a BreakupOne of the most difficult challenges in dating is 1) knowing when to cut off a relationship and break it off, and then more importantly, 2) actually following through with the breakup and not going back. Why is this so difficult? Why is it so hard to break up and stay broken up with an unhealthy relationship? From my experience and understanding, it is usually because of some kind of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, and/or fear of not being able to find another relationship. Such
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Cheating: To End or Continue the Relationship?Infidelity in a marriage. If this happens to you in a future marriage, would you end the marriage or try to work it out and stay together? The short answer is, it’s up to you. It is optional. You don’t need to keep trying, but it is understandable if you did divorce and end things. It is a judgment call and it depends on the circumstances and the people involved. This can be a very tough decision to make. The ideas in this article relate to being cheated on in a marriage, but the basic ideas
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Money and CompromiseMoney is one of the touchier, more challenging subjects for couples and relationships. Complicating the issue is the somewhat mixed messages given on the subject. Some scriptures point out the dangers and even problems of money and a materialistic focus, whereas other scriptures emphasize providing adequately and getting out of debt as positive things. Here are some various scriptures on the subject that frame the pursuit of money in a rather negative light: For the love of money is the root
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Marriage: Civilly or in the Temple?One topic that is of importance to singles members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is marriage and all of the questions and concerns surrounding marriage. What if you never marry in this life? What if you have gotten a divorce? What if you marry a non-member or a member without a recommend outside of the temple? What if you are hoping that you will both eventually be worthy and able to marry in the temple and for whatever reason it never happens in this life? These and other
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Ghosted?Wikipedia defines “ghosting” as follows: “Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s. In that following decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to the increasing use of social media and online dating apps.” In other words
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Dealing with DifferencesIn general, the more similar couples are--with their attitudes, interests, politics, religious ideas, hobbies, and so on--the bigger the advantage they have. It becomes easier to get along, to bond, and to have agreeable and enjoyable time together. However, men and women will still be…different in many ways. We naturally think, act, and feel differently. We interpret the world differently. Such differences can potentially cause frustration, conflict, and misunderstanding. So, how do couples
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Dealing with His or Her Exby Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist www.LDSdimension.com FREE Online Dating If you are dating someone 25 years or older or especially someone over 30, there is a decent chance your new boyfriend or girlfriend will have already been married before. And there is also a good chance that he or she will have had at least 1 child with their ex-spouse, often more. When dating someone divorced with a child or children with their ex, they have to co-parent those children until they are 18 years
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Persuasion SkillsOne touchy subject in relationships involves what to do when the other person refuses to change. If the other person in your relationship has some notable quirks, problems, challenges, or issues that notably bother you, you have several choices. You can: 1) break up with the other person, 2) argue, fight, and give them ultimatums to try to pressure them to change, or 3) just try to accept them as they are and live with the issues. But what if none of those 3 options are acceptable to you? If
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