Whether you are male or female, looking good increases your dating stock immensely. Why? Because looking good increases romance, physical attraction, and sexual chemistry. The more people that are attracted to someone’s looks, the greater the options they will have to pick from in the dating pool. In short, looking good is important in the dating world. It is natural, instinctive, an important part of spark, connection, and giving/receiving affection. To deny the important role of looks in a relationship (“it shouldn’t matter”) puts one at a great disadvantage and will lessen one’s chances in the dating pool. For more information about looks, attraction, and relationships, see these 2 additional articles as well: https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/looks-how-much-do-they-matter-23/ and https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67/.
The question for this article is, how do you react to another’s good looks of the same sex? More specifically, what is the best way to react to seeing another person of the same sex that looks good?
Using Other’s Looks as Positive Role Models:
The best way I can recommend reacting to seeing another highly attractive member of the same sex is admiration. To see this person as a positive role model with the self-care and efforts they put into their looks and how they maximize what is possible. This includes their immense dedication with eating right, exercising, sleeping patterns, fashion, hair/nails/makeup efforts, and whatever else the person has done to look good. It can be a lot of work. Look for particular ideas and beauty tips you can emulate and borrow. Notice the increased social opportunities this person enjoys and use that as motivation to improve your looks as well.
Some ideas of places you can look for attractive people of the same sex to emulate include looking to friends, family members, coworkers, fellow students (if you are in school), acquaintances, other church members, and strangers. Also in the entertainment world, notice particular professional athletes, actors, or singers on TV or the movies. Take a mental note of the ideas you would like to borrow from them to boost your looks. Also consider writing notes in your cell phone’s note taking app, writing yourself notes to remember on note paper or a journal, and/or taking/saving images on your phone. Make a goal to work consistently to incorporate and do whatever reasonable efforts you can to boost your looks and your social stock.
Remember that physical attraction to the opposite sex is a natural and instinctive trait designed to help bring us together to start and maintain relationships. We learn the following about looks in the scriptures: “…for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7). Therefore, to be physically attracted to another as mortals is the natural way we are wired as people. This has nothing to do with the inner worth of a person: their character, principles, values, morals, ethics, testimony, etc. All of that is essential and more of what the Lord values about us. So in essence, both the inner and the outer qualities of people are important and serve different, complimentary, and important roles. Please recognize looks for the value they possess and remember the values they do not possess. Work on improving your looks in a moderate, reasonable fashion--not obsessively or in a self-depreciating way.
Criticizing/Acting Jealous/Lowered Self-Esteem:
Another approach that people tend to take when seeing an attractive member of the same sex is to react negative some way. This could include acting jealous or resentful of the other’s good looks and the social advantages they enjoy from that accordingly. This jealousy and resentment might take the form of criticizing another person through name calling and other put downs. Examples include calling them superficial, having bad priorities, or being materialistic, unspiritual, prideful, anorexic, bulimic, stuck-up, etc. Sometimes if the other person is thinner or in good shape, another person may put their down through negative assumptions about the other and why/how they worked so hard to get in such shape. alking behind the other’s back is common with put downs, fault finding, and other forms of character assassination. This includes a conclusion that the other is “immoral” or “lacking modesty/integrity” with certain fashion choices.
Remember, you are not their parent and it is not your job to police them and their fashion choices. Just govern yourself. Better to build another up than tear another down. Both for your betterment and theirs. Look for the best in others, not the worst. From there, adopt the parts of their looks you appreciate and feel are appropriate and drop the rest.
Final Thoughts:
I would strongly encourage you to improve your relationship options looking to other attractive people as examples and role models. Appreciate and be motivated to improve in ways you observe. Drop any other looks elements that you personally disagree with or do not care for inside in a respectful manner. No negativity needed. Build each other up, don’t tear each other down. Treat others as you would like them to treat you—both on the looks issue and in general. Improving your looks can be a part of your approach to find and keep a future healthy, happy relationship. Others who more have it figured out can help motivate you and show you the way. Success can be yours. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2020-06-29 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding men, Understanding women, Dating, Psychological health |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).