In last week’s article I made a list of some of the most common complaints from single men about women, heard over and over again during my years of doing therapy as a clinical psychologist. Most of these complaints were made by single male members of the church, and some were also common complaints made by non-member men as well. To show that I am willing to give equal time to both sides, I have also decided to make a list here showing the most common complaints single female members of the church have often made to me about the men.
As with the last article, for the men reading this list, some of these points will apply more than others and many men can be exceptions to these complaints—not everything will apply. The purpose of this article is not to blame or attack men, or to make men feel badly. It is simply to help men understand that these are in fact common complaints single women have made to me about men in the church. Ignore them at your own risk. The purpose and goal is so that the men reading this list can 1) know what the complaints are and 2) make any needed adjustments accordingly. Single women in the church today often feel frustrated that they have made these kinds of complaints over and over again towards the men but with little to no improvement happening thereafter.
What any particular man reading this list may need to change here is completely up to him. I am simply the messenger hoping to inform. Knowledge is power. And knowing what the complaints are from women is a great starting point towards helping men know adjustments they can make to improve their relationships. I would encourage the men here to read this list and use it as knowledge and information for future improvement. Otherwise, as the old saying goes, if you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you’ve been getting.
Common Complaints from Female Members (in no particular order):
*I have given him clear and obvious signs/signals that I am interested, but he is clueless and it just goes over his head.
*He never listens to me, but instead he just wants to fix things and tell me what to do about it.
*When I am talking to him and he is listening, he either acts distracted, disinterested, and/or gives me little or no feedback. It’s like he isn’t even paying attention or doesn’t care.
*I don’t like it when he plays his video games (or does ____ personal hobby) instead of spending time with me. I feel like he puts that as a priority over me and that I am competing with it.
*I don’t like when he talks to other women (that he is friends with and/or used to date). I feel like threatened by them but he still encourages it.
*He never opens up and tells me his feelings. Instead he just shuts down and withdraws when things get serious or emotional.
*I don’t like it when we are getting along and then he suddenly withdraws and wants to be away from me and do his own thing. Why does he do this? Especially when things are going so well? I am confused.
*He complains that I expect too much but my expectations are reasonable. He just is lazy/unmotivated/not driven. He lacks ambition. I’m not sure he can support a household.
*He looks at pornography and it really hurts me. Why does he do that? And why am I not enough for him?
*A lot of his old friends are pretty immature and are a bad influence on him. I wish he would stop hanging out with them.
*He cares more about his mother than me and she is his priority. I don’t seem to ever win out over her.
*Spiritually I have to always be the one asking to pray, read scriptures, or do other spiritual things. I wish he would be the main one to initiate these things.
*I want him to pick up a lot more and clean up after himself. Especially if we eventually marry and live together. I don’t want to be cleaning up after him.
*He is showing favoritism towards his kids over mine. But I want him to treat all of our kids the same and treat my kids like they are his own.
*He is obsessed with sex and talks about it all the time. Does he have some kind of a problem?
Final Thoughts:
These are the main complaints that came to my mind at the time of this writing. There are surely other things as well but addressing these issues is a good start. Men: whichever of these items apply to you and you have heard women say to you, I encourage you to figure out why you are being told these things and make whatever reasonable adjustments you can make with these issues. Women: if you are saying these kinds of things to the man in your life without them being resolved, you may consider changing your communication style or approach, which is within your power and control. Suggestion: read the book Your Perfect Right by Robert Alberti and/or Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini for additional ideas when conveying your feelings to men.
Making these adjustments can be important for your relationship success. Because in the end, “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2020-05-04 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding women, Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).