This is my 200th short article for LDS Dimension and other associated sites on Facebook. Over the past 4+ years I have written these weekly articles on many different topics and focuses of special interest for single members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. As I was considering what topic to write on for this week, I remembered a recent comment made in a men’s Facebook group I was helping with. He basically said he didn’t feel that women even wanted to hear what single men’s complaints about women even were at all, let alone be willing to address or improve on those issues. The complaint was that instead, women usually only wanted to focus sharing their issues and complaints about men and their past hurts. That in effect, men’s issues and complaints didn’t matter to them.
Over the years I have heard some very frequent and common complaints from single (and married) male members about the women, which I will list below. For the women reading this list, some of the points will apply more than others and many women can be exceptions to these complaints—not everything will apply. The purpose of this article is not to blame or attack women, or to make women feel badly. Not at all. It is simply to help women understand that these are in fact common complaints single (and married) men have about women in the church. The purpose and goal is so the women reading this list can 1) know what the complaints are and 2) make any needed adjustments accordingly. Single men in the church today often feel blamed, shamed, and silenced against their feelings and complaints towards women, but their silence doesn’t change their feelings.
What any particular women reading this list may need to change here is completely up to her. I am simply the messenger hoping to inform. Knowledge is power. And knowing what the complaints are is a great starting point towards helping women know adjustments they can make to improve their relationships. Disclaimer: If any women reading this would rather not hear the most common complaints I have heard from male single members about them, feel free to stop reading now. No offense will be taken by me. On the other hand, for those women interested in understanding single men and their challenges with women in the church, please read on. I think you will find this information helpful and useful, as hard as it might be to read. At a different time, I may also write a similar article on the most common complaints I have heard from the single women about the men.
Common Complaints from Male Members (in no particular order):
*Women expect the man to make a great income where she can spend at will and not worry about money or budgeting.
*Women won’t date shorter or less attractive men.
*Women won’t date a man without a temple recommend and/or a man who didn’t serve a mission.
*Women won’t date a man without a prestigious level of education or an impressive career.
*Women won’t apologize and take responsibility for their actions, yet expect men to.
*Women engage in double standards across a wide number of areas.
*Women backbite to their friends and family members about them (the men), but get enraged if he does the same.
*Women get emotional and cry in an argument or disagree often, mainly for effect or to win the argument.
*Women in marriage are often prudish about and even dislike sex, often using it as a power and control mechanism in the relationship.
*Women regularly spend time with their girlfriends and family but get upset when he wants to spend time with his guy friends and family.
*Women are largely given a pass from church leaders for their being single or when divorces happen, whereas men are usually primarily blamed and shamed for these things.
*Women in a marriage may stop working on their health and looks and/or may gain a lot of weight over the years, but then complain that men shouldn’t have a problem with that and should be accepting of that. Men often consider this a bait and switch and get very unhappy with this development, yet don’t feel they are allowed to express it.
*Women will spend too much, but then complain the real issue is just that he earns too little.
*Women will spend too much time on social media, with their friends, and/or the children and will often lead him feeling lonely and neglected and a lower priority.
*Women will complain when he plays video games or does other hobbies and things he enjoyed while single—even just occasionally. Even though she may still be doing her usual hobbies.
Final Thoughts:
If any women reading this list find themselves reflected in any of these complaints, I would invite you to consider if you are willing to make some changes or adjustments in that area for the sake of helping your current and future relationships with men. If not, that is your choice but likely such issues and complaints will make for significant challenges or arguments in the future. You can improve yourself and your approach to the men in your life to improve your relationships. And it is worth it. Because “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.”—1 Corinthians 11:11.”
Dr. G
P.S. If you can questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2020-04-27 | Randy Gilchrist | Understanding men, Dating |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).