This is going to sound like an obvious comment: in order to attract another person to date/have a relationship with/get married to, you need to be…attractive. And you also need to be attracted to them as well. Being attractive means a number of things and can come in a number of ways. The most obvious way to be attractive is to look physically attractive. Beyond that, attractiveness includes things like attitude, personality, countenance, mood, communication abilities, and so on. For instance, being confident will almost always be more attractive than not being confident. Other attraction traits include money/career/financial stability, church status, family status, and many other traits that impact attractiveness to the opposite sex. In this article I will review a few of these areas of attractiveness, along with some links and ideas for how to become more attractive in those ways.
*Physical Attraction:
It is important to be as physically attractive as possible to the opposite sex, but not obsessively so. Therefore, putting good, reasonable regular efforts into eating well, exercising more, and maintaining a good weight is essential towards being attractive. Other focuses that can help increase physical attractiveness includes having a decent fashion sense, having attractive hair, skin, nails, and hygiene, etc. So please put regular, reasonable efforts in this department. Also, please remember to not beat yourself up or put yourself down in this area. All that any of us can do is what we can reasonably do. Just…try. Regularly.
In previous articles I reviewed traits that research shows the opposite sex find naturally attractive. So, if you want to become more physically attractive, you can work on whichever of these traits that you reasonably can. You can see there articles here:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/universal-beauty-indicators-67/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-women-are-physically-attracted-to-313/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/what-men-are-physically-attracted-to-314/
*Positive Personality Traits: Attractive personality traits commonly include such things as regularly smiling, being agreeable, having a positive attitude, using a warm tone of voice, being complimentary, giving praise, being optimistic, handling stress and frustration well, being patient, and showing a strong personal interest in others. This list highlights personality traits that would attract more than repel and is just a starter list. I am sure you could have added many others to it.
*Communication/Conversation Skills: Good conversation and communication skills are very important with being attractive. Being able to express feelings and opinions openly and respectfully. Having control over one’s tone of voice. Being able to articulate oneself in an easy form for others to understand. Also helpful, being able to talk about life events and the world at large. Since a lot of a relationship involves communicating with each other, being good at this obviously matters. Please work to improve all of your basic talking skills.
A few of my previous communication and conversation skills article that you may wish to check out include:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/dating-small-talk-160/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/different-ways-men-and-women-communicate-206/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/assertive-communication-skills-162/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/non-verbal-communication-123/
*Financial Status: What education level and career you have matters in attraction. How much current and projected future income you earn matters too. But as important or perhaps even more important financially is how you choose to navigate choices with purchases and debt. What is attractive and healthy is a balance between spending enough on others to be reasonably generous but not so much that they are wasteful with money. A balanced approach is most attractive approach you can have. This shows you can have an enjoyment of things now plus the security of also knowing there will be adequate money in the future as well.
Several financially oriented articles you may wish to check out can all be found at this link:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/finance/
*Church Status: Your level of spirituality will be attractive to the other person when you are basically a solid, active member in the church. Even better is if you can hopefully go with the other person to the temple someday. Beyond that, you will also be attractive to others when you are in a somewhat similar in range with the other person’s level of spirituality. Similarity shows there needs to be enough spiritual similarity there that both of you could find a way to be comfortable and positive with each other if you were to have a future life together.
A few useful articles on this subject can be found at:
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/assessing-spirituality-232/
https://www.ldsdimension.com/articles/are-we-spiritually-compatible-27/
Final Thoughts:
The traits listed here in this article is not an exhaustive list, but this is a good place to start. Being attractive to another person is essential if the spark, chemistry, and connection will exist in the relationship. Because if these attractors are lacking together, either the relationship will never develop or, if a marriage does occur, the relationship will be a much more platonic, practical one.
Perhaps that would not be the worst thing ever. However, it is very difficult to be fully and adequately happy with another person when attraction is lacking. A healthy, happy marriage is a balance of attraction, friendship, and commitment. The more of those 3 traits you remove from the equation, the less happy a couple will be. So please, work to be as attractive as possible. Also, please only date, have relationships with, and marry a person you are adequately attracted to as well. It gives you the best chance for marital happiness and satisfaction. Finally, remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Dr. G
| 2024-06-09 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).