Are You Needy or Clingy in Relationships?

by Dr. Randy Gilchrist, LDS Psychologist
www.LDSdimension.com (FREE LDS online dating site)

To be overly needy or clingy in a relationship is to be overly insecure and desirous of continual reassurance of one's acceptance and desirability. Such an approach to relationships may seem somewhat attractive or "cute" at first, but over time this tendency will wear thin and eventually repel the other partner. Neediness and clinginess will often drain a relationship over time until there is no more relationship. Especially if the neediness and clinginess reaches the high level of "codependency", which you can learn about in the information section at: www.coda.org.

So are you overly clingy or needy in relationships? You may be the more following traits and tendencies describes you in a relationship:

Are You Needy?:

1. Do you look at your romantic partner to make you happy?

2. Do you look to your partner to fulfill all your needs in love and support?

3. Do you look to your partner for constant reassurance and validation?

(Specifically, are you looking for others to make you feel good about yourself — always looking outside ‘self’ for reassurance? And even if you get it, do you depend on more and more reassurance all the time? Do you feel abandoned if your partner is not available? Are you afraid your partner will not be there for you)?

4. Do you get upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’t meet a need?

5. If you are alone, do you do things to fill the void with other distractions? Or when alone, do you go over past conversations or worry that he/she might leave? Is it difficult to be alone?

6. Is your relationship the center of your universe? What about your relationship with other friends or family? friends or your kids?

7. Does it bother you if you are not included in your partner’s plans?

8. Do you get jealous of things that he/she is doing without you?

(Source: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/kristindavin/are-you-emotionally-needy-your-relationship)

Are You Clingy?:

1. Do you resist giving your dating partner enough time and space to do their own thing?

2. Do you want to talk for hours and the other person doesn’t?

3. Do you not have a life of your own and hate that the other has a life?

4. Do you genuinely think everyone else but you are a bad influence on them?

5. Do you often play the damsel in distress or the troubled boy looking for a mom figure so your partner will fix/rescue/save you?

6. Do you feel especially insecure when he/she meets an attractive person of the opposite sex?

7. Do you dislike it when he/she spends time with their friends?

8. Do you think your relationship needs to be improved?

9. Are you very suspicious?

10. Do you want to stay in touch all the time?

11. Do you want the other's attention all the time?

12. Do you struggle to accept the fact that his/her life doesn’t revolve around you?

13. Do you think he/she doesn’t love you half as much as you love him/her?

(Source: http://www.lovepanky.com/women/attracting-and-dating-men/clingy-girlfriend-signs-and-how-to-avoid-it)

Final Thoughts

If you seem notably needy or clingy from the items above, you can change and improve. In the next article, I will review some ideas for breaking the challenges of neediness and clinginess in relationship. Breaking out of these tendencies and having a successful, happy, healthy relationships is worth it and achievable. Because "…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 11:11).

Sincerely,
Dr. G

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About the author

Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).