Are there common frustrations as a single member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? Yes. Commonly, many. Heartache, heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, and so on can make a person feel a bit “snakebitten”. And when a person is feeling these ways, it is common to take a break from socializing and seeking to create a new relationship. And while it is understandable to take a break, obviously, such breaks won’t lead to a new relationship. It is unlikely that a new person will find you, initiate interactions, and kickstart a relationship. Sure, occasionally this magic can happen. But it is the exception versus the norm. If you are just staying at home, you will very likely stay single. And even though some find success in online dating, this alone usually doesn’t result in marriage.
Most successful relationship meetings still happen live, so please remember this in your social efforts. Today, here are the five most common and successful ways people meet today: 1) online dating site or app, 2) friend of a friend or friends in common, 3) at school, 4) through work, 5) in a social setting. Notice that four of these five ways to meet are live meetings. So please don’t only focus on online apps and sites. (Source: https://www.theknot.com/content/online-dating-most-popular-way-to-meet-spouse).
The point of this article is to remind you that if you are single, the main reason is likely…you. No, I am not saying that to try to make you feel bad. Just to remind you that the efforts you make (or don’t make) consistently and strategically will be the biggest factor in the relationship successes that follow. You can only control yourself. The efforts others make is not controllable by you. If you are fortunate enough that another finds you and begins a relationship, that is a great bonus. However, if you are waiting for these kinds of efforts, you may be waiting a long time. Therefore, please own the need to be proactive in your search to meet and cultivate a new relationship.
Ideas to Own Relationship Outcomes:
*Decide that meeting and starting a new relationship is completely up to you. Come up with an action plan where, like a part-time job, you make regular, consistent, strategic efforts to meet a new person, and then work to kickstart that relationship. Consider the 5 ways of meeting listed previously and utilize as many of those options as consistently as possible.
*Decide you are the relationship and marriage “type”: A mentality and attitude that can keep you single is to decide and conclude that you will always be single. To have and maintain a negative attitude towards the opposite sex, relationships, and marriage makes it worse. Conversely, I encourage you to decide you are indeed the relationship and marriage type, and that you will inevitably have this in your life. There is an old saying: “if it is to be, it’s up to me”. Having a pro-relationship and marriage attitude will spur proactive efforts, as well as help you to create an optimistic, positive self-fulfilling prophesy. It is similar to a person deciding what kind of student they are at school. Are you an “A” student, a “B student”, or a “C student”? That is up to you.
*Refine your self-talk: Be very aware of the running commentary that goes on in your head about relationships and marriage. Have this self-talk be as positive, optimistic, and hopeful as possible. Consider creating a list of positive affirmations on the subject and rehearse these sayings as much as possible. For instance, some of your affirmations could include things like, “I am the marriage type”, “I can meet someone”, or “it is up to me to initiate”. The more positive, hopeful, optimistic, and proactive your self-talk is, the better you will develop the mentality to make it happen.
Final Thoughts:
In sum, when you own the need to find and cultivate relationships, you greatly increase your chances and opportunities for success. Same with marriage. When you accept the ownership for the process and keep a positive attitude about it, you empower yourself to make it happen. And again, if you are fortunate enough along the way that another kick starts the process and makes it all easier, great. That would be a nice bonus and a plus. However, if you wait for this, there is a great chance you will remain single. When you own the need to make the effort, you have the power and control to make things happen. So, please “own your relationship outcomes”, and adjust your approach accordingly for the best success. And remember that “…neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Dr. G
P.S. If you have any questions, comments, or a future article request for me, feel free to contact me at drgilchrist@yahoo.com.
| 2024-06-23 | Randy Gilchrist |
About the author
Hello, my name is Dr. Randy Gilchrist (aka "Dr. G"). I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and a certified hypnotherapist in private practice in Roseville, CA (www.dr-rg.com), practicing since 1997. Also, I am happily married in the temple (Manti) since 1996 and have 4 sons. I am a volunteer writer and contributor to LDS Dimension. I use my training, education, and experience to share insights with LDS Dimension on all things of interest to the LDS dating community. Please read my articles and columns on this site to assist you in your online dating journey. Also, to be considered for an answer in a future Q and A column, please email me your dating/relationship oriented questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com. Finally, I also offer a powerful, effective worldwide custom hypnosis recording service just for LDS Dimension members for weight loss, pornography, and many other issues of concern to those in the LDS dating community (please learn more now at www.dr-rg.com/lds; email me questions to drgilchrist@yahoo.com).